


Slipping Through My Fingers

by sinkburrito



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: "and there was one bed", "oh mY GOD THERE WAS ONE BED", (she’s from shore leave 1x16 i believe), ABBA!!!!!, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Mamma Mia! AU, Misunderstandings, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Weddings, actually fuck russ and fuck math im gonna fail my quiz tomorrow but whatever, bones will have a good relationship by god, break-up, dumb bitches, gays on a greek island, just in case even tho theres only a lil bit, literally everyone here is a dumb bitch myself as the author included, michael burnham is mentioned bc... im love her, special thanks to my math teacher for not giving us homework today so i had time to write this, spock is relatable 24/7, thanks russ ol homeboy, this fusion was inevitable, tw for alcohol, you will read tonia barrows and you will like it!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-06-22 15:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15584718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinkburrito/pseuds/sinkburrito
Summary: Pavel Chekov loves his mother. But he’s always wondered who his father was.3 potential dads, 2 best friends, 1 flustered mom and a whole lot of ABBA.Yes, this is a Star Trek/Mamma Mia! fusion. No, it will not follow the plot exactly. Yes, everyone is gay. Well, almost everyone. I have TOS in mind, but it can be read for AOS as well.





	1. Super Trouper

Pavel Chekov loves his mother. He really does. Really. But he’s also always wondered what it would be like if he had a father. He’s envisioned kind eyes, a warm clap on the shoulder, and his mother smiling and laughing. She’s happy as it is, of course. But she could be happier. 

 

What this is to say, is that he’s sent three letters to men who  _ might _ be his father. 

 

Okay, hold on, let’s back up.

 

~~~

 

“PAVEL!” Nyota shrieks as she and Scotty stumble off of the ferry. She stretches her arms out towards him and runs at him while Scotty struggles to regain his footing - a sea-man he is not. Nyota catches Pavel up in her arms, lifting him off the ground. 

 

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen you since we graduated!” she gushes, “It’s been too long.”

 

“Hey now, don’t be forgettin’ about me!” Scotty chastises, finally reaching them. His sea-sickness has seemingly passed and he reaches out to clap Pavel on the shoulder. Pavel grins up at his friends.  _ A warm clap on the shoulder- _ He should be telling them that about now, yes.

 

“It’s so good to see you both,” he says in his typical Russian accent. He has hazy memories of his childhood -- the earliest memory he has is of his mother, alone, but he’s always suspected that his accent came from his father. Nyota enjoys picking it apart because retaining an accent through most of childhood and into adulthood that no one else around you spoke was fascinating from her linguist point of view. He’s also assumed his last name came from his father, but now he thinks one of them might have changed it. He’ll get to that.

 

“Now, I have something to tell you, something you can’t tell my mother,” he continues, practically vibrating with excitement. Nyota grins and leans in, pulling Scotty by the collar along with her. He leans in willingly, following her hand. 

 

“What is it?” Nyota asks excitedly.

 

“I…. I invited my father,” Pavel admits, biting back a nervous smile. He winces as Nyota shrieks and Scotty splutters. 

 

“YOU FOUND Y-”

 

“YER FATHER?!?!”

 

“Woah, woah, calm down!” Pavel placates, pulling away from the group and holding up his hands. “Okay, so I vas cleaning out some of the rooms and I found this old diary of my mom’s from the summer she vould have been pregnant with me.”   
  


“And it mentions yer father?” Scotty asks. 

 

“Vell…” Pavel hedges, “It would be best if I showed you.” He clears his throat. “ _ Dear Diary, what a day! I met Spock today and he was so sweet. He took me out for dinner and one thing led to another, dot dot dot.” _

 

“Dot dot dot?” Scotty asks.

 

“It’s vhat they did-” Pavel explains.

 

“Sex, Scotty. Sex.” Nyota informs him smugly. Then her face transforms into a picture of horror. “Wait, did you say  _ Spock _ ?!” 

 

“Um, yes?” Pavel answers hesitantly.

 

“Oh god. Does it say where she was?”

 

“Uh, San Francisco.”   
  


“OH GOD. Pav, you remember how we went to college there, of course.”

 

“Of course.”   
  
“Nyota, vhat-”

 

“And how I had a huge crush on my professor for that one class I took on astrophysics before I switched majors.”

 

“Yes, but vhat-”

 

“Whose name was Professor Spock.”   
  


Pavel arches an eyebrow and “hmms.” Then he takes a deep breath and screams.

 

“NYOTA, YOU CAN’T FUCK MY DAD!” Pavel screeches in anguish. “EW, HE’S PROBABLY OLD AND GROSS!”

 

“NOOO, PAV, I DIDN’T KNOW!” Nyota pleads. She kneels down and clasps her hands together. “Please, I didn’t know!”

 

“Moving on,” Scotty interjects hurriedly. 

 

“It’s alright, Nyota, there’s a bit more to tell. Here’s this next bit:  _ Dear Diary, Jim brought a doctor from the mainland over today; Leonard McCoy. He’s so old-fashioned and dear and I’m weak at his blue eyes. He patched our Number One right up; Christopher was so relieved. I told him he could stay at my place and one thing lead to another… _ ”

 

“Wait, what?” 

 

“So she was cheating on Spock?”

 

“Wait, there’s more:  _ Dear Diary, Jim’s been so kind about all this stuff with Len. He’s a charmer, too! I’m starting to take his flirting seriously. He took me out on his own boat today and one thing lead to another… _ ”

 

“So which one is your dad?” Scotty asks.

 

Pavel shrugs up at them. 

 

“You don’t know?” Nyota asks. 

 

Pavel grins.

 

“Which one did ye invite?” 

 

Pavel grins wider.

 

“You didn’t.” Nyota says. Her eyes grow to the size of saucers. “You did!”   
  


“Vill you guys help me vith all of this? I just know that if I saw him, I’d  _ know _ my father.” Pavel entreats.

 

“Of course we will!” Nyota says, wrapping him up in a hug and pulling Scotty in with her. He follows her movements, as he always has.

 

“Aye lad, we’ll be with you every step of the way,” Scotty promises. 

 

Pavel smiles gratefully at them, then pulls away. “Alright, let’s go see my mom.” Nyota and Scotty trail after him, up the winding path to the centerpiece of Enterprise Island. (He’s not quite sure how to pronounce the Greek name.) 

 

Tonia Barrows is still vibrant and beautiful in her middle age, all wide smiles and gentle curves. Her brown hair brushes the tops of her shoulders and is tucked behind her ears. Pavel’s mother owns her own hotel on the island and he’s only ever known her with the clear blue sea at her back and the sprawling green of the island before her. 

 

“Nyota, Montgomery! Hi!” she exclaims, enveloping them into a hug. She is, to this date, the only person allowed to call Scotty by his first name… Well, and Nyota when she’s mad. Scotty has a crush on them both, not that he knows it.

 

“Ms. Barrows,” Scotty fumbles, “I- We-” 

 

Nyota stomps firmly on his foot. His face crumples into a pained smile. “It’s  _ so _ good to see you, Tonia!” she simpers. Scotty nods quickly. “But, we have to go get settled in now. We’ll see you around!” 

 

Nyota pulls Scotty along into the hotel and Pavel shows them to their room. Once they arrive, she whirls around and glares at Scotty.

 

“Scotty! You almost gave us away!” she hisses. 

 

“I know, I know.” Scotty says, looking absolutely desolate.

 

Nyota sighs and relents. “Alright. But don’t pull another stunt like that!”  They share eye contact for an excruciating 27 whole seconds before Pavel steps in. He knows because he counted. See what he has to put up with?

 

“Hey guys, still present. And, I have another surprise for you.” he says, which has both Nyota and Scotty turning around in anticipation. He checks his watch: It’s 12:15, so he should be getting here any minute.

 

A hesitant knock breaks the quiet. Pavel opens the door to introduce his fiance to his best friends.

 

“Hi there. I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” Hikaru Sulu announces, stepping into the room and giving Pavel a chaste kiss on the cheek. 

 

“Nope, not at all. Hikaru, meet Nyota Uhura and Montgomery Scott.” 

 

“I feel like I know you already,” Nyota says, pulling Hikaru into a warm hug to his surprise. 

 

“Good to meet you, lad,” Scotty says, clapping him on the back with a bright smile. 

 

“And before you ask, I know he invited his possible dads,” Hikaru adds. Scotty lets out a sigh of relief. 

 

Pavel sits on the edge of his bed. “I just know that when I see him, I’ll know,” he reiterates.

 

“Let me just state that, for the record, you’re an amazing guy and you don’t need a dad to tell you that; you’ve never needed that. But if finding your dad will make you happy, then I’m with you 100%.” Hikaru says, and it’s clear that this is a well-worn topic.

 

“So which one do you think it is?” Scotty asks. 

 

“I hope to god it’s not Spock,” Nyota mutters.

 

“Have you got anything against him?” Hikaru asks. 

 

“Vell….” Pavel teases and Nyota buries her face in her hands. 

 


	2. Hasta Mañana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonia's first flashback.

Tonia Barrows was free of college. She hiked her bag up on her shoulder and strode down the streets of San Francisco, staring up at the blue sky. She had only arrived a few hours ago and she had absolutely nothing to do. This didn’t bore her; she had  _ nothing _ to do! She was free to spend her time however she pleased, and she pleased to walk the streets, see the people, and go on an adventure.

 

This optimistic worldview took a dive when she bumped into a stranger, spilling his tea all over her dress and his shirt.

 

“Oh- I’m so sorry!” she rushed, pulling a tissue out of her purse and dabbing at his shirt.

 

“It is of no need,” he assured her, looking stiff and uncomfortable. 

 

“No, I-” Tonia continued, looking up at him and finally catching sight of his face. Sharp and angular with pristine black hair, he was undeniably attractive. She giggled nervously. “Let me take you out to dinner, then,” she said, grabbing his hand and shaking it. “I’m Tonia, Tonia Barrows.”

 

“I am Spock Grayson,” the main said, looking down at the hand Tonia held. “I am… pleased to make your acquaintance.” His severe face softened minutely into what could be interpreted as a miniscule smile and Tonia felt something flutter in her chest. “I am content to accompany you to dinner.”

 

“Great! No time like the present,” Tonia continued, quickly checking her watch and noting that it was around 6:30. 

 

“I-” Spock bit back a protest and looked down at his stained shirt. 

 

“Come on, don’t you wanna be spontaneous?” Tonia wheedled. “When’s the next time a beautiful girl will-”

 

Spock snapped his eyes up resolutely and grabbed Tonia’s hand before leading her off. He scanned his surroundings for the nearest restaurant and led at a brisk pace.

 

“I have never eaten at Olive Garden before,” he confessed before pulling her inside.

 

“Wow, ok, not that I’m complaining, but you seem a little freaky right now,” Tonia said half-heartedly as Spock continued to pull her along. He stopped suddenly and she bumped into him.

  
“I apologize. Something… something you said has invoked an emotional response in me relating to a crisis which I am currently having. We do not have to eat at Olive Garden if you do not wish to,” he said, eyes downcast.

 

“No! No, it’s fine, but do you wanna talk about it?” Tonia asked hesitantly.

 

“I would prefer not to,” Spock informed her. After that, they eased into a more comfortable conversation while avoiding… whatever  _ that _ was. Tonia learned that Spock had just earned his PhD, but, like her, had no idea where he was going to go next in life. Instead of bringing him the excitement that it brought her, the loss of direction terrified Spock. In addition to that, he was currently going through a midlife crisis about a decade early. He didn’t say all this aloud, but it was evident in the way he talked about his life.  He told her about his studies, which were actually fascinating. He proved to be an interesting conversationalist and Tonia was starting to grow fond of his formal way of speaking. It was a surprisingly pleasant evening to get Tonia off to a good start in her travels.

 

Spock picked up the bill at the end of their meal, to Tonia’s great relief. She opened her mouth to thank him for the evening, but he leaned forward and kissed her before she could get a word out. It was only a brief peck on the lips, but Tonia could feel how stiff he was. 

 

“Was that adequate?” Spock asked. His voice was steady and his face impassable, but his eyes betrayed his nervousness. “I apologize if I caused you discomfort, but I believed you to be attracted to me, and as we have just had dinner, which could be construed as a date, I inferred that it would acceptable to kiss you.”

 

“Spock! It’s fine. Really.” And what the hell was she doing, going with this? San Francisco was meant to be a new start for her, and here she was, going out with this painfully awkward guy who--

 

“I admit I am relieved to hear that as I would be amenable to continuing this with you. I have not met any woman of your likeness before, Ms. Barrows, nor have I had a conversation partner as engaging and charismatic.”

 

Oh, what the hell.

 

“Spock,” she told him, “Let’s get out of here.”

 

When she was kissing him against the wall of her hotel room, Tonia did briefly wonder how she got into this position after telling Janice and Christine that she was done with all this stuff after their college graduation, but then he slipped her tongue and she decided that one more night couldn’t hurt. 

 

It was almost like he had something to prove in the way he kissed her and the way he wouldn’t slow down. He had whispered in her ear as they moved to the bedroom that he was inexperienced, but it turned out he was a fast learner. 

 

Afterwards, Tonia heaved a sigh as Spock looked up at the ceiling. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t… very good, either.

 

“It’s okay, you’re learning-”

 

“I’m gay.”

 

They lay there in silence as they contemplated their life decisions.

 

“Well, that explains a lot of things.”

 

“...”

 

“Do you wanna maybe talk about why you’re here right now?”

 

“I had assumed it was because engaging in coitus in a public space is not encouraged-”

 

“Spock.”

 

“... I am suffering a lack of direction after acquiring my PhD and am struggling with my sexuality due to general societal backlash. I was attempting to test my… straightness.”

 

“I’m just going to tell you that you were NOT into it.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

Tonia shifted onto her side to look at Spock. He remained staring at the ceiling, glassy-eyed. 

 

“So, seen any cute boys around lately?” she asked, poking him in the side. Finally, he looked at her, the mist finally clearing from his eyes.

 

“There is a boy who works at the library where I spend most of my time,” he admitted. “I do not believe he knows I exist, but… I have seen him frequently.”

 

“I think you should ask him out,” Tonia said. 

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

“I’m gonna tell you a secret.”

 

“I am listening.”   
  
“You don’t have to have direction in your life. You don’t have to be absolutely sure of where you’re going, you don’t even have to have a “feeling” you’re gonna end up somewhere. You don’t have to be sure of anything, except that what you’re doing is at least an attempt to be happy. You have your whole life ahead of you, and it doesn’t matter if you end up working at Taco Bell or at some fancy university, you have to be the one to make yourself happy.”

 

“I am not sure how that relates to the library boy.”

 

“So, ask him out. Be happy. Take a vacation. Be spontaneous.”

 

“I am not spontaneous.”   
  


“Then don’t be. But ask out that boy.”

 

“I will endeavor to do so.”

 

“...”

 

“Also, next time you have sex, you should probably-”

 

“Tonia.”

 

“It’s helpful advice!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh ok so this one's a bit fast but i didn't really know what else to put so. here is some spock being relatable and comphetting on the first girl he finds and just suffering and some getting to know tonia
> 
> she is a good character!!! i love her and its sad she was only in one episode :(
> 
> ANYways here's this. chapter three is gonna be longer trust me


	3. Honey Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonia's second flashback.

“Alright, so we don’t want it to be Spock. I can get that,” Hikaru says after Pavel finishes gleefully telling him all about Nyota’s college crush. “But what about the next guy, McCoy?”

 

“I don’t know, but he had the longest entry.” Scotty answers.

 

“Then why did she need to get over him?” Pavel asks.

 

“We won’t know until we meet him,” Nyota points out.

 

~~~

 

She didn’t know why, but she just had a feeling. A gut feeling, one that she trusted. Enterprise Island was the right place for her. She could feel anticipation rising up from her toes, all the way up to her head and through her fingers. Tonia drummed her fingers against the car door of the taxi and tapped her feet to the rhythm of the pop song playing through the speakers. 

 

_ Honey honey, how he thrills me, a-ha, honey honey _

_ Honey honey, nearly killed me, a-ha, honey honey _

_ I've heard about him before _

_ I wanted to know some more _

_ And now I know what they mean, he's a love machine _

_ Oh, he makes me dizzy _

 

When the cab slowed to a stop, she had her hand around the handle already, tensed to erupt. She had paid the cabbie earlier, and the blood rushed in her ears. Before she knew it, she was climbing out of the cab, tangled in her own limbs and tripping over her luggage. She heard the cab driver laugh, but she didn’t care. She huffed and straightened out her large, floppy hat. She sighed in relief; the ferry was still there. She hadn’t missed it!

 

She hardly paid attention as her ticket was being processed. It was so close! In just a moment, she would be on the island, the one that occupied her waking dreams. She had thought she would be late; indeed, it was almost time the ferry left. She hefted her bags up and marched towards the boat. Well, she wasn’t late. 

 

“I’m not late! I’m not late!” someone yelled, sprinting past her. His dark blond hair was hopelessly wind tossed and he was waving a white hat. He stumbled into the ferry and Tonia followed him curiously. “I’m not late,” he repeated defeatedly as the ferry passengers all turned to stare. He sighed.

 

“Hi, I’m Jim Kirk and I’ll be your captain this evening.” he said with a practiced wave, then left to pilot the boat. Tonia smiled hesitantly at the other passengers before sitting down. The minutes ticked by and she became bored with watching the waves out the window, so she went up to the top deck, ignoring the sign that prohibited passengers with a wince. Leaning against the railing, she watched the seagulls in the sky and enjoyed the fresh air.

 

“You’re not allowed to be up here, you know,” Captain Kirk commented from behind her. Tonia whirled around in alarm. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” The Captain said warmly. “Can’t blame you for wanting the fresh air,” he continued, leaning back against the railing as she did. “So what brings you to Enterprise?”

 

Tonia shrugged, unable to articulate what called her there. Kirk laughed. “I get it. There’s something about that damn island. Makes you want to never leave.”

 

“Is that how you feel?” Tonia asked. Kirk’s white captain’s shirt billowed in the wind as he looked out across the sea.

 

“Maybe,” he said, shrugging. “Or maybe I’m dying to get out of this place. Can you tell?”

 

“I don’t think you have to pick one or the other,” Tonia suggested. Kirk chuckled ruefully.

 

“Y’know, they say Aphrodite’s fountain is hidden somewhere on that island. Never did believe the rumors, but I suppose if it’s anywhere, it’s there.” he said.

 

“Got girls hanging off you on the island then, a handsome captain like yourself?” Tonia joked. 

 

Kirk laughed loudly, pulling himself out of the odd melancholy state he’d been in for their conversation. “Oh, no. I’m hoping for just the one, though,” he said, winking at her. “Say, what’s your name?”

 

“Tonia Barrows,” she said, smiling at him.

 

“Ms. Barrows, Tonia. I-”

 

“Captain, we’re ready to dock,” a woman said, sticking her head out of the door to the bridge.    
  
Kirk flashed Tonia a flirtatious smile. “I’d like to continue this conversation sometime.”   
  


“I’d be delighted, Captain,” Tonia said.

 

“Call me Jim,” he answered before stepping onto the bridge. Tonia waved to him before going below deck. 

 

~~~

 

“It said McCoy was a doctor. I think I’d have liked to be a doctor one day, if I wasn’t a linguist,” Nyota muses as they lay on the floor, flipping through the diary pages.

 

“Ny, you’ve dabbled in practically every field.” Pavel points out. 

 

“Yeah, but… Oh, I don’t know. I think things could have really been different.” She hesitates. “Do you think my parents would have been prouder of me if I was a doctor?”   
  
“Nyota-” Pavel starts.

 

“If they’re not proud of you for who you are, then they won’t be proud of who you aren’t,” Hikaru points out. Pavel offers him a grateful hand squeeze. 

 

“But I could’ve been,” Nyota presses. “It would’ve been just as easy.”

 

“You’re doing what you love,” Scotty weighs in, “That cannae be a bad thing.”

 

Nyota leans her head against his shoulder lightly. “Thanks.”

 

“Ah, young love,” Pavel sighs.

 

“Shut up!” Nyota yells, throwing a pillow at him while Hikaru laughs and Scotty turns as red as his shirt. “You’re the one getting married tomorrow.”

 

This has the opposite effect as Pavel and Hikaru grin and exchange loving glances as Nyota buries her head in her hands.

 

“Hey, speaking of deep shit, can I say something?” Scotty says out of the blue. “This is gonna sound sappy and gross, so you’ve been warned.”

 

“Awww, Scotty-”

 

“Whatever we find out tomorrow, whoever the dad is, Pavel, let me say this. Yer always gonna be the same old Pavel I’ve known for years even if yer dad turns out ta be a jerk. An’ it doesn’t matter what he says, an’ Nyota, this goes for yer parents as well. Yer all my friends and I love ya to death. Yes, even you Hikaru.”

 

“AWWW SCOTTY!” Nyota cries, wiping away a tear. Pavel surreptitiously wipes away his own.

 

“That means a lot, Scotty,” he says quietly.

 

~~~

 

Life on the Enterprise was idyllic. Tonia was allowed to stay in the small house on the top of the hill for a small fee, paid to the old Pike couple. Christopher and “Number One” had long retired from the navy. (He only ever called her that nickname, obviously affectionately, but Tonia was at the point where she was afraid to ask Number One’s real name in fear of offending her.) She could sustain herself here, using her time to fix up the house and pick fruits and visit the beach. She truly felt like she could breathe here, on this island in the middle of nowhere. She spent her evenings in town, sometimes singing at the bar or greeting Jim when he was off duty. Sure, they flirted, but Tonia never took it too seriously. Jim didn’t seem to either, which made him a fun and carefree partner to explore the island with. Jim lived on the mainland but dreamed of being a navy captain. For now though, he had to captain the ferry until he found a replacement for the job he never wanted but his father raised him to have. 

 

Tonia was enjoying the evening breeze and sipping a drink when shouts came from outside the bar. She rushed out to see what had caused the commotion and was horrified to find the old lady unmoving next to the steps with a wound to her head.

 

“Number One!” she said urgently, gently shaking her. Thankfully, she blinked open her eyes. “Oh thank god, you’re alive!” Tonia dabbed at the blood with her shirt, but it kept on bleeding. “Is anyone a doctor here? Anyone?!”

 

But nobody in the plaza knew what to do and Tonia’s panic grew. Suddenly, she spotted a familiar halo of golden hair.

 

“Jim! Jim, thank god. Can you get to the mainland and find a doctor?” Tonia called to her friend who was making his way over to her. Jim’s eyes were wide with horror and he rushed to Number One’s side. 

 

“I- I-” he stuttered, unable to move. 

 

“Jim!”

 

“Right, I- I’ll find a doctor. You need to do what you can now.” he said, pulling himself together. He ran to the dock. Tonia gently picked up Number One and carried her inside the bar, placing her on the table. She quickly cleaned her wound and placed a damp cloth on her head. Number One’s breathing was shallow, but there. After that, she sent the bartender to find Christopher. By the time Jim returned, Number One’s breathing had become steady and Christopher was by her side, holding her hand. 

 

“I found one! I found a doctor!” Jim announced as he burst through the door. He was immediately pushed out of the way by the doctor who accompanied him. 

 

“Where’s the patient?” he asked. Tonia barely glanced at him as she directed him to Number One, biting her nails. Jim, Tonia and Christopher huddled in the corner, waiting for the verdict. 

 

“What’s his name?” Tonia whispered to Jim.

 

“Leonard McCoy. Found him in the street. I just started yelling about needing a doctor and he was the first one to answer.” Jim replied.

 

“He better be a good one,” Christopher muttered. Tonia put a placating hand on his arm. 

 

“Well, she’ll live,” Dr. McCoy decreed in a southern drawl and the room let out a collective breath. “But I’ll have to stay here to tend to her for about a week or so.”

 

“How much do we owe you?” Christopher asked.

 

“Listen, as long as I have a place to stay, you don’t have to worry about paying me. Staying on this island is more than enough,” Dr. McCoy told him. “You must be Christopher Pike?”

 

“That’s me,” Christopher affirmed.    
  
“And I’ve already been introduced to Jim Kirk, so that just leaves….” McCoy continued, turning his eyes to Tonia.

 

“Tonia Barrows,” she said, accepting his offered hand. Finally, she got a good look at Dr. McCoy. Soft aqua eyes, brown hair that looked like it was cotton-spun, and laugh lines. Suddenly, she was hoping McCoy would stay a bit longer than a week. “Hi.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” McCoy said, smiling warmly at her. She returned his smile nervously, feeling butterflies bubbling up to her throat. Jim smirked, obviously catching onto her feelings. 

 

“I’m afraid we don’t have enough room in our house for another person,” Christopher admitted, oblivious to Tonia’s newest crush, “But the house Tonia’s staying in has an extra room and it’s pretty close to us.”

 

“I’d be happy to have Dr. McCoy as a roommate,” Tonia blurted. 

 

“That’s settled then,” Jim said, clapping Tonia and McCoy on the shoulders. “I’ll take you back to the mainland to get your stuff, Doctor.”

 

“Yes, of course,” McCoy said. “And call me Leonard, why don’t you?” 

 

“I will,” Tonia promised as Jim led Leonard out the door. Jim turned back to Tonia and winked before taking off and Tonia buried her face in her hands. 

  
  


_ ~~~ _

 

“Ok, so let’s try to piece some stuff together,” Nyota says, pulling the diary over to her. “Our options are Spock, Leonard, and Jim. Other people who come up in the diary are the Pikes and the Chapel-Rands.”

 

“Oh, don’t forget the bartender,” Hikaru adds, clearly having been paying attention.

 

“Right,” Nyota notes, “So maybe we can talk to some of them before the Dads arrive?”

 

“I know where the Pikes live,” Pavel answers, “I can talk to them!”

 

“Right, so Scotty go with Pavel and I’ll go with Hikaru to greet the Chapel-Rands.” Nyota decides. “They’re going to want to meet the fiancé.”

 

“This is exciting!” Pavel cheers. 

 

~~~

 

“Oh, Carol, no!” Tonia exclaimed. The pale blonde cat sat smugly on the spare mattress, surrounded by piss and stuffing. Carol was a cat she’d found on the island, usually quite friendly and well behaved, but not on this occasion. Tonia had taken a liking to Carol, who was often in the house. 

 

“I’m so sorry about Carol,” Tonia said, running a hand through her hair and exhaling in frustration. 

 

“Cats will be cats,” Leonard replied, “I’ll just take the couch.”

 

Tonia winced. “Well, there’s an armchair, but there’s no couch.”   
  


“The floor-”

 

“This isn’t exactly the cleanest place on earth. Also, the floor is just dirt at the moment.” Tonia pointed out. Leonard was holding his bags, freshly acquired with the aid of Jim. He was wearing a loose blue shirt and well-fitted black slacks that defined his… assets. Tonia was trying very hard not to stare at them. Leonard was tall and lean, with a slightly rugged look that he had no business having. He had told Tonia himself that this was his first time out of America, that he was usually content to stay at home. 

 

Tonia bit her lip. After Carol had destroyed the spare bed, there was only one bed remaining. Leonard had been a perfect gentleman so far -- he wouldn’t do anything if they shared a bed, right? Not that she didn’t want him to- She just wanted to get to know him a little more first. 

 

“We could… share?” she dared to ask, holding her breath. “I mean, we have no other options, and only if you’d be comfortable-”

 

“Okay,” Leonard said, gripping his bags tightly. “We could do that. The bed’s big enough for the two of us, right?”

 

The bed was very small. Tonia pressed her lips together in discomfort as Leonard surveyed the room. He didn’t seem pleased. 

 

“Well, country boys make do, right?” Leonard muttered. Tonia’s eyes narrowed in irritation. He  _ was _ staying here free of charge, after all. It wasn’t like they had anywhere better to put him. 

 

“Left or right?” Tonia asked, taking his bags and setting them down in the corner because it seemed like he wasn’t going to move. 

 

“Uh, left,” Leonard said, sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed. He looked almost as distressed as Spock did and the thought caused Tonia to giggle.

 

“Loosen up a little. It’s not like I asked you to have sex with me,” she chirped, rummaging through her own bags to find pajamas. “I’ll be in the shower.”

 

Leonard spluttered and turned bright red.

 

~~~

 

“Can you tell me about Leonard McCoy or Jim Kirk?” Pavel asks Christopher Pike. Christopher has snow white hair by now and can’t go anywhere without his walker. He’s in a shirt that’s probably from before Pavel was born and that smells like mothballs. Still, Christopher was Pavel’s babysitter from when he was little and is pretty much his grandfather. 

 

“Now where did you hear those names?” Christopher asks in his rough voice, the one that sounds like an echo of the one Pavel used to know. 

 

“The Internet,” Scotty steps in helpfully. On anyone else, this wouldn’t have worked, but Christopher hasn’t touched the Internet in his life and therefore has no idea how it works. 

 

“Oh, of course. Damn newfangled machines. Bet you heard about Kirk as our old ferry man before Picard took over, didn’t you?” Christopher says.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Pavel lies. 

 

“Good one, too. Shame he shipped off to San Francisco-”

 

“To join the navy, yes, yes, we know that. But vhat about when he was here? Vhat vas he like?”   
  


“He was….” Here, Christopher paused and his eyes drooped for a moment. Pavel and Scotty leaned forward, but the pause continued.   
  
“Is he dead?” Scotty whispered. 

 

“Shh!” Pavel hissed.

 

“Ah, yes. He was a bit of a troublemaker, but always good-intentioned. Such a nice boy.”

 

“And McCoy? Do you have any stories?”

 

~~~

 

“She’s gonna be just fine, Chris. You just need to watch her and don’t let her do anything stupid. The concussion is mostly healed, it’s the wound you’ve gotta worry about. Call me if it reopens and keep doing what I told you.” Leonard directed. 

 

Christopher exhaled deeply. “Dr. McCoy, I can’t thank you enough-”

 

“Nah, I needed a vacation. This is just what the doctor ordered,” Leonard replied lightly. 

 

“Len! Jim says he’ll take us fishing on his own boat!” Tonia yelled, bursting through the door in her floppy hat and sunglasses. She held two fishing rods in her hands and her smile was miles wide. She looked just on the edge of manic.

 

“That’s great,” Leonard replied and then Christopher wasn’t even in the room again. He watched as Leonard’s smile softened and he followed Tonia out the door, practically leaning forward as he subconsciously tried to be close to her. Christopher sighed. Ah, young love.

 

~~~

 

Tonia bit back a laugh, watching Jim try to teach Len to fish. The doctor was passionately arguing with the ferry captain over the correct way to cast a line, adamantly insistent on doing it the way he’d grown up with. Jim was trying to explain that his poles were different and Len’s arms were waving in the air. 

 

“Guys, you know I’ve caught two already, right?” Tonia called to them, holding up her prizes. Their argument stopped and they looked over at her, gaping. 

 

“At least we’ll have  _ something _ to eat,” Jim pointed out, “Len here’s all skin and bones.”

 

“I am not-!”

 

“Look at him, he’s all bony,” Tonia agreed.

 

“That’s it! We’ll call him Bones!” Jim crowed in a sudden fit of ingenuity. 

 

“I will not go by some-”

 

“Calm down, Bones,” Tonia said in fake concern, “Don’t want your fragile bones to break.”

 

“It’s stuck,” Jim said smugly.

 

“Can we  _ please _ get back to fishing?” Bones asked plaintively.

 

“Aww, Bones, don’t be mad!” Tonia cried, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

 

“I’ll go uh, check the rigging,” Jim said, standing up to go to the other end of the boat. 

 

“I think Bones is a cute nickname,” Tonia stated seriously, looking up at Len out of the corner of her eye. 

 

“I suppose I can’t be too mad if it’s a cute nickname,” Bones mused, meeting her gaze. She wasn’t sure who leaned forward first, but her lips met his and she melted into him. He tasted like oranges and sunshine and the cool ocean breeze. His hand came up to gently take her cheek and Tonia pressed forward to deepen the kiss. She ran her hands over his shoulders, then his back. She could die in this moment and be happy, as long as she remembered it in the afterlife.

 

“I see you didn’t waste any time,” Jim said casually from behind them. Tonia and Bones sprang apart, blushing.    
  


“I-”   
  
“We-”   
  
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Jim reassured them, grinning teasingly. “Although, I would be a horrible friend if I didn’t take this opportunity to tell you that you might have another type of bone-”

 

“JIM!”

 

~~~

 

“Are we really just going to lay here?” Tonia asked the ceiling.

 

Leonard stiffened beside her. Just barely a millimeter more, and their fingers would touch. She could feel his body heat wafting off of him, just a couple inches away. 

 

“Yes?”

 

“Wrong answer,” she replied, rolling on top of him and kissing him senseless. 

 

~~~

 

“Number One has been perfectly healthy for a week now,” Leonard confessed to Tonia under the light of the stars.

 

“I know,” she replied easily, slipping her hand into his.

 

“I think I could stay here for… for a long time.”

 

“Me too.”

 

~~~

 

It had been two weeks when Tonia was tidying their room and knocked one of his notebooks to the floor. A small white polaroid fell out face down on the floor. Curious, Tonia picked it up. 

 

_ Leonard, easily recognizable, his arm around a young woman. They were both smiling widely. The part that hit her the most was the young girl he held, barely a year old, in a frilly yellow dress. _

 

The picture fluttered to the floor and Tonia gripped the edge of the desk with her fingers to support her. Her chest restricted and she felt like the stagnant air in the cottage was choking her. She ran outside, gasping for air. Her mind whirled around the hazy truth that she did  _ not _ want to think, to acknowledge, the one that clawed up her throat and sickened her stomach.

 

“Tonia! What’s wrong?” It was him. That no good, two-timing, piece of sh-

 

“Everything!” she yelled, turning away and running into the trees. A hand grabbed her arm, stopping her, and wasn’t it just a shame that she knew how that hand felt on her skin, on her cheek, running down her back?   
  


“Tonia, please!” Leonard begged. Tonia wiped away a stream of tears that she had no idea were there until she felt a wetness drip onto her hand. 

 

“You wanna know what’s wrong? Do you? Then explain  _ this _ !” she screamed, tearing herself free and running inside the cottage. Once she found the picture, she picked it up and threw it at him, screaming in frustration when it just fluttered to the floor again. This time, it landed face up so he could see what it was. She hoped he was sorry, that he felt as terrible as she did.

 

“N-no, wait, just let me explain!” he pleaded.

 

“Alright! You can answer three questions I have,” she hissed. “One: Is that your wife?”

 

“Yes, but-”

 

“Two! Is that your daughter?”

 

“She is, but-”

 

“And three! Did you tell me?”   
  
“No, but-”   
  


“Then that’s it! No more explaining. Take your shit. Get out. I never want to see you again,” she demanded, picking up the first thing of his that she saw and throwing it at him.

 

“Tonia, I can-”   
  
“Get-” This was punctuated by one of his shoes, “Out!” and this one by his clothes. “Take-” a book, “This-” his suitcase, “And-” the other shoe, “Leave!” his medical supplies, which rattled.

 

“Tonia, I-” he started, then took a breath. “Fine.” 

 

Then he left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how am i this productive??? I have no fucking idea  
> anyways yay progress and next chapter is all about JIM my sunshine boy!!!


	4. Voulez Vous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third of Tonia's flashbacks.

 

“Hey, Tones, what’s-” Jim said cheerfully, abruptly cutting off when he heard her sniffle. “Oh, no. What’s wrong?”

 

Tonia leaned gratefully into his embrace, pressing her tear-stained face into his warm golden shirt. It smelled like vanilla and sea breeze and it was achingly comforting. A hand stroked her back, rhythmically and constant. She could feel Jim’s cheek press against her hair.

 

“Where’s Leonard?” he asked after her breathing had evened out. 

 

“Presumably, back with his wife and daughter,” Tonia said bitterly. 

 

“Oh,  _ no _ ,” Jim said. 

 

“Yeah,” Tonia replied, “He… Oh, Jim, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

 

“Hey, you’re going on an adventure, right? You’re on this island to find your destiny or something.” Jim said with fake cheer. “Weren’t you going to fix up that place on the hill, make a hotel?”

 

“I was… I was hoping he’d stay,” Tonia said miserably.

 

“No, come on now. You don’t need him,” Jim said, then called Leonard some names that Tonia would have trouble repeating. “You can do this yourself. You’re one of the strongest people I know!”

 

“Say it with me: I don’t need him!” Jim pressed.

 

“I don’t need… I don’t need him,” Tonia said softly.

 

“I don’t need him!” Jim repeated.

 

“I don’t need him!” Tonia followed, louder. “I don’t need him, I don’t need him, I don’t need him!” she yelled, her voice raising in volume each time. 

 

“Yeah! That’s it!” Jim cheered. “Oh, shit. I have to go, the ferry’s set to leave in ten. But tomorrow I’ll be by and we’ll get started on that hotel, right Tones?” 

 

“Right!” Tonia said, trying very hard to be cheerful.

 

When he left, she took a deep breath and did not sit down. 

 

“I miss him, though.”

 

~~~

 

“Galactic blue or sky blue for the walls?” Tonia asked offhandedly.

 

“Galactic,” Jim answered, leaning over to look at the selection. He smiled up at her. “I’m glad you decided to do this, and not let Len-”

 

“I’d rather not talk about that,” said Tonia curtly. She sighed and rubbed her temple. “I’m sorry, it’s just-”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jim reassured her. She smiled gratefully. 

 

“What kind of wood for the floors? I’m thinking cherry.”

 

~~~

 

Tonia sneaked another glance at Jim. His shirt was tied around his waist and his blonde hair dishevelled. The sweat gleamed on his back, highlighting toned muscles. Tonia snapped her gaze back to the task at hand as he leaned down to wet his roller with more paint. Galactic blue, indeed. 

 

They were painting the walls of the hotel on the hill. Tonia didn’t bank on being attracted to Jim. Sure, he was handsome. She’d known that. But ever since… since Leonard left, Jim had been a comforting figure to find respite in. He had been a kind friend to her, and it would be terribly insensitive for her to use him as a rebound. But…

 

“Tones, could you hand me the water bottle?” Jim asked, wiping the sweat from his brow. She nodded and handed it over. Tonia’s throat went dry as she watched his adam’s apple bob, rivulets of sweat dripping down it. “Thanks,” he said, grinning.

 

Tonia nodded again, gripping her roller. “Sure thing,” she said, hoping her voice wasn’t as high-pitched as it sounded to her. Was it hot in here? It seemed like it to her. She took off her loose flannel shirt, revealing a blue bra that matched her jean shorts. Turning to get more paint, she noticed Jim’s eyes on her. 

 

Tonia focused on the wall in front of her, heart racing. So it wasn’t just her? But what if he really did have feelings for her? She couldn’t do that to him, she couldn’t break his heart the way Leonard broke hers. She glanced over again. Jim was focused on the paint as well. So that was that. It was a long shot anyways-

 

Jim looked over at her. Tonia’s eyes widened. She bit her lip and looked away.

 

“I couldn’t help but notice…” Jim commented, strolling over to her. “That you’ve been looking at me.” 

 

“I-I-” she stammered.

 

Jim rolled his eyes. “It’s obvious you haven’t forgotten about Leonard. I don’t expect you to fall in love with me or anything. But I don’t see why we can’t just…”

 

“Just?” Tonia asked.

  
“Y’know, they say a summer fling is good for getting over a breakup,” Jim said.

  
“I have never heard that saying before,” Tonia replied.

 

“Look, if you don’t want-”

 

“No!” Tonia cut him off. 

 

“Then-”

 

Tonia pulled him forward into a searing kiss, running her fingers through the dark blond hair. Jim leaned into her with a moan, hands coming up to grab her shoulders. Heat radiated from his body pressed up against hers, damp with sweat. 

 

“I think-”

 

“You think?”

 

“That a summer fling might be good after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops this is short and late bc i was trying to figure out what else to put but then decided not to  
> updates will probably be. a lot more sparse bc school is starting but uh we're getting to actual plot next and also janice and christine   
> ALSO this is the horniest chapter ive ever written and im proud of myself. bisexual culture is thirsting after both jim and tonia  
> (google young william shatner it will not disappoint)


	5. Head Over Heels/Why Did It Have To Be Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting of The Dads and Pavel's favorite aunts arrive.

“I can’t see!” Janice complains as she jumps to see over her wife’s shoulders. 

 

“There’s nothing to see, it’s just water,” Christine says with the air of someone who can see perfectly.

 

“Chris _ tine _ ! I want to see the island!” Janice hisses.

 

One of the other passengers on the ferry shushes her. Janice glares at them. 

 

“Oh look, there’s Tonia,” Christine says serenely.

 

“Where?!” Janice yells desperately, seeing nothing but the blue-clad shoulders of Christine. “I can’t  _ s- _ ” Strong arms lift her up and Janice finally sees Enterprise Island. “TONIA!!!!!”

 

The small figure on the dock waves to her. Janice squeals in excitement. “Put me down, put me  _ down, we’re here!” _

 

Christine places her gently on the ground and Janice takes off like a shot. Christine smiles fondly and picks up their luggage, ambling over to her. 

 

“Hello, Tonia,” she says cheerfully as Janice launches herself into Tonia’s arms. Tonia laughs.

 

“Hi Jan, Christine,” she greets them, spinning Janice around and then pulling Christine into her embrace. “How’s it been?”

 

“How’s it  _ been? _ Too long away from here, I’ll tell you that!” Janice exclaims, taking in the sights. “And Pavel getting  _ married _ ! And we haven’t even met him!”

 

“That’s about to change,” Hikaru remarks, jogging up behind Tonia with Nyota. “Hikaru Sulu,” he says, extending a hand to Janice. “You must be the lovely Mrs. Chapel-Rand?”

 

“Oh, none of that!” Janice says, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. “I’m Aunt Janice to you.”

 

“Oh, I thought he was talking to me,” Christine joked lightly, but Hikaru flushed.

 

“My apologies,” he stuttered.

 

“I’m just kidding,” Christine says with a gentle smile. “You can call me Aunt Christine.” 

 

“Does he have your approval?” Tonia asks jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness.

 

“We’ll need time to decide-” Christine starts.

“Of course! If he’s good enough for Pavel, he’s good enough for me,” Janice proclaims.

 

Tonia hides a smile in her hand. 

 

“Aunt Janice, Aunt Christine, we’ll show you to your rooms,” Nyota offers. 

 

“I was going to-” Tonia cuts in with a frown.

 

“We can handle it,” Hikaru reassures her. “And I want to get to know my new aunts some more, of course.”

 

Tonia’s expressions softens. “Of course. Have fun!”

 

“We will,” Hikaru promises with a wave. 

 

~~~

 

Spock wakes slowly, papers stuck to his face. He tries to remember where he is as the windows across from him finally stop dancing and become one.  _ The hotel… _ He squints as he struggles to clear the fogginess in his head. He is… not a morning person. 

 

Wait.

 

Greece. 

 

“The ferry!” Spock exclaims, sitting up in his chair and pulling a paper off of his face. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck-” He only swears when he’s alone. It’s unprofessional. But this merits swearing. Spock stuffs his papers haphazardly in his briefcase and grabs his belongings, hoping he’s not missing anything. He checks his phone: 10:09. The ferry leaves at 10:15. 3 missed calls, one from Amanda and two from Michael; probably about how he’s suddenly leaving for some wedding and he doesn’t even know either of the grooms. Michael must have told Amanda and Sarek. Spock curses her under his breath as he stumbles down the stairs and hastily checks out of the hotel. 

 

_ “What’s this?” Michael asked, pulling the invitation out of the neat pile of mail. Spock frowned. _

 

_ “I don’t know,” he answered.  _

 

_ “It says it’s from a Tonia Barrows. Do you know her?”  _

 

_ Spock dropped his mug of tea. Michael looked up at him with wide eyes as it shattered on the floor. _

 

Spock stuffs his luggage in the taxi and checks the time again. 10:14. “I’m going to make it,” he mutters to himself. He gets out of the car, pulling his luggage. He sees the ferry and exhales in relief. It’s still there- And now it’s going away. 

 

“Wait!” he calls desperately, then trips over his luggage. He lies face down on the dock, hating every facet of his life. Face burning, he peels himself off the ground and dusts off his suit that he’s been wearing since Friday night. (It’s Sunday.) The old brown suit is admittedly not the best choice of attire in the Grecian climate. Just another of his bad decisions. He stares lifelessly off the pier, knowing that the next ferry is Wednesday, the day  _ after _ the wedding. He doesn’t know why Tonia invited him to her son’s wedding, but he can’t disappoint her. She… opened up many pathways for him. Changed his life. The least he can do is be there for her son. 

 

“Hey there, stranger,” a jovial voice says and Spock thinks he’s heard it before, somehow. He turns around and squints. A beautiful white boat is pulling into port. The sun is in his eyes, but then a head sticks up in front of the sun and it feels like the wind is knocked out of him. If his eyes don’t deceive him (and they don’t; he has excellent eyesight) then that’s Jim Kirk. He’s leaning against the mast, sly grin on his face, windswept curled russet hair. Spock clutches his briefcase to his chest. “Need a ride?”

 

“Y-yes,” Spock stammers, swallowing hard; his throat is suddenly dry. But Jim called him stranger -- doesn’t he… Spock straightens his back and steels himself. Jim does not remember.

 

~~~

 

_ 9 Years Ago _

 

Spock peered over his glasses at the group of men in navy uniforms laughing raucously in the street. He sat at an outdoor café table in front of his favorite coffee shop, a book in hand and looking every bit the hipster. One of the men looked up at him; handsome, with honey-blond hair and twinkling hazel eyes. He winked at Spock, who quickly snapped his eyes back to his book, a flush creeping up his cheekbones.

 

The man was still staring at him, though; he could feel it. Spock glanced up abruptly when the man fell into the seat across from him.

 

“Jim Kirk, captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise,” he said with a debonair grin and an extended hand.

 

“Professor Spock Grayson, University of California,” Spock replied, taking the hand stiffly. Jim’s navy friends cheered and Jim ducked his head before waving them off.

 

“What book is that?” Jim asked suddenly, turning his head to get a look at the cover of Spock’s book.

 

“It is… It is a textbook on physics. I am ascertaining whether it is suitable to teach from _ ,”  _ Spock answered, suddenly flustered and not knowing why. He held up the book to show him the cover.

 

“Oh! I’ve read that before. It’s certainly fascinating-“ Jim barreled on, waving his hands about. Spock listened to his surprisingly sound analysis, somewhat shocked but completely unable to stop listening. 

 

“Do you tend to talk this much to everyone you meet?” Spock asked once Jim reached his conclusion.

 

Jim looked suitably chagrined. “Ah, no. Sorry. I guess I’m just nervous.”

 

“Nervous?” Spock asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Only around you,” Jim flirted, raising an elbow onto the table but knocking over his glass of water. He flushed red and looked away. “Sorry.”

 

“There is no need to be,” Spock told him, catching his eye and holding it.

 

“Nervous?” Jim asked, a half-smile taking over his face as he repeated Spock’s own question from a moment before.

 

“Sorry. But that as well,” Spock answered. Jim’s smile in response was blinding. 

 

The sun was already setting in the sky, casting warm tones that hit Spock with an indescribable sense of home. “Walk with me,” he requested, reaching a hand out to Jim. As Jim took it, the warmth travelled up his hand into his chest and Spock realized that he would never be able to view the sunset in the same way.

 

He kept Jim’s hand in his as they walked down the streets of San Francisco and as day turned to night. The pale light shone over the pavement and rendered the street lamps nigh obsolete. As they reached his apartment, Spock leaned forward, hesitantly, to brush his lips against Jim’s cheek. Jim darted forward and clasped his hand. 

 

“When can I see you again?” he asked somewhere between desperate and eager.

 

“At the coffee shop, tomorrow, 08:00 a. m.” Spock said, giving Jim a small smile before retreating into his apartment. 

 

Jim stood on the empty moonlight street and sighed.

 

~

 

“I ship out tomorrow; there’s been an emergency change of plans,” Jim informed Spock apologetically as he returned the professor to his apartment once more. “I suppose it’s too much to ask that you wait for me?” He looked down at his feet and then up at Spock out of the corner of his eye.

 

“As illogical as it seems, seeing as we have just met last week, I will be waiting for your return, Jim,” Spock answered, leaning in to kiss Jim slowly and sweetly. 

 

~~~

 

_ Present Day _

 

Jim reaches his hand out to Spock and helps him aboard, touch lingering after he withdraws. There’s a glint in his eyes and he opens his mouth to say something. Spock interrupts him, not sure he can take it if Jim decides to flirt with him.

 

“I am Spock Grayson,” Spock says stiffly, watching for recognition in Jim’s eyes and finding none. Jim flashes him a smile, but steps back, dropping his hand.

 

“It’s… good to meet you, Mr. Grayson,” Jim says. Spock says nothing. “Jim Kirk. This is my ship, the Enterprise.”

 

“Like the island,” Spock says softly. Jim nods. Spock doesn’t know why he’s feeling so strongly about this. He only had one week with Jim, nine years ago. And yet he’s always remembered him, always had him in the back of his mind when he went on dates with others. Eventually, he just stopped altogether, knowing he could never forget Jim Kirk. It’s evident that Jim did not -  _ does _ not feel the same way. After all, he never returned, never called. It is only logical to conclude that Jim did not feel as strongly as Spock did. This only solidifies his claim.

 

“Hey! Hold on!” someone else yells. This man looks like he rolled out of bed a few moments ago, much like Spock. “Please, I need a ride. I’ll pay you, however much you want!” 

 

“Not at all, I-” Jim starts affably, turning from Spock to see the newcomer. He cuts off abruptly when he sees the man and his brow furrows. “Is that-  _ Leonard McCoy _ ?!” he exclaims. Spock mutinously thinks that if Jim can remember this man, he should remember Spock. 

 

“Jim- Jim Kirk?” McCoy asks. “Oh, f-”

 

“MCCOY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Jim yells, jumping off his boat and onto the dock.

 

“Wait, calm down, let me explain!” McCoy cries, backing away as Jim advances towards him. Jim’s hand forms a fist and before Spock knows it, he is behind Jim, holding his hand back. 

 

“Stop! I do not know what he has done to you, but violence is hardly the way to solve this.” Spock chastises. Jim pulls his hand away as if burnt. Spock ignores the twinge in his chest at this.

 

“Thanks,” McCoy breathes. “I- I didn’t  _ cheat _ on her. Or anyone. I was in the middle of getting a divorce with my wife, I was just waiting for the paperwork to go through and I needed a break.  _ That’s _ why I came to Enterprise. I was going to tell her about it all eventually, I just… I didn’t want to ruin what we had. Please Jim, after all these years-”

“Then why did you leave?” Jim snarls, the amount of aggression in his voice startling Spock. 

 

“I was going to get the papers! To show her that I was legally divorced! Hell, I only carried that picture around so I could see Joanna- my  _ daughter _ \- But now that she’s invited me to this wedding, maybe I can mend bridges.” McCoy explains.

  
“Wedding?” Spock asks, feeling his heart sink.

 

“Pavel Chekov and Hikaru Sulu. Pavel is Tonia’s son,” McCoy says. “Who’re you?”

 

“I- Spock Grayson. I too am in attendance for the Sulu-Chekov wedding.” he says.

 

“As am I,” Jim says tightly. “Listen B- McCoy, I’ll give you a ride to the wedding, but you have to promise you  _ won’t mess it up _ . Tonia doesn’t need this right now, so no funny business until afterwards.”

 

“Understood,” McCoy says.

 

~~~

 

“So Hikaru, I understand you’re a botanist?” Christine asks as he leads the trek to the hotel. 

 

“He is,” Nyota answers for him. “So, what was the island like before Pavel was born?” Hikaru frowns slightly. What he said to Tonia wasn’t a lie; he wants to get to know his new aunts. Pavel speaks of them often and fondly and though he knows they need to get information about the Dads before they arrive, he wants to know about Janice and Christine as well.

 

“Oh, well,” Christine says, clearly surprised. 

 

“We don’t really know, honey,” Janice says, “We arrived right after Pavel did.”

 

“Oh,” Nyota says, disappointed.

 

“So I hear you both do lab work in America?” Hikaru says, desperate to change the subject and still curry favor with the aunts.

 

“Yes!” Janice says happily. “Christine and I were lucky enough to get jobs at the same place. We mostly do medical research.”

 

“That sounds… lovely,” Hikaru says as Janice continues with explaining the work that she and her wife are doing. Christine adds to her story every now and then and their words flow together in tandem to make one story. It is lovely; it sounds like everything he’s ever wanted. He knows he and Pavel aren’t exactly in the same line of work, but to be happily married and working together, spending every moment together sounds perfect to him. He wants it so bad it hurts, but the hurt is tempered by the pure electric excitement that he feels when he thinks about getting married. He knows this is exactly what he wants. He knows with absolute certainty that Pavel is who he wants to spend the rest of his life with and that this is what they both want. Seeing Janice and Christine so happy together spreads warmth across his heart like butter. 

 

“Aunt Janice! Aunt Christine!” Pavel yells, sticking his head out the window of the hotel. His head goes back in and Hikaru can hear him running down the stairs at top speed. He hurtles out the door and launches himself at his aunts in a hug. Hikaru can’t help but smile at him, so wide it hurts his face. God, he loves him so fucking much. The smile sticks to his face like popped bubblegum as he follows his fiance and friend into the hotel.

 

~~~

 

“Bride or groom?” McCoy asks Spock. 

 

“Bride. I knew her mother,” Spock answers, curt and short. God, Spock. He’s really here, after all these years. Jim can’t stop himself from staring at him, only when he knows Spock won’t notice. He’s aged well, august even in his battered old suit. He knows painfully well that he himself doesn’t look half as good as he used to, but Spock still looks like he stepped down from a pedestal in Ancient Greece, ivory carved into sharp lines like Galatea. 

 

And he doesn’t remember. Jim had barely believed his eyes when he saw him on the dock, flustered from missing the ferry and just as beautiful as he remembers.  _ Hey there, stranger _ , he’d said, sure that Spock would remember. He seemed to, when he took Jim’s hand, but then he’d introduced himself and it had hit Jim like a splash into the cold ocean. 

 

“Oh, so just like Jim and I,” Leonard says. He seems to have recovered from the confrontation on the dock well and is enjoying the sea breeze. 

 

“Indeed?” Spock says, raising an eyebrow. Jim remembers that look and it sucker punches him in the gut. Spock does it all the time. 

 

“I used to be the captain of the ferry before I left to join the navy,” Jim explains, hoping that will prompt Spock to remember. No such luck, as Spock simply nods. 

 

“And do you remain in the navy?” Spock asks.

 

“Yeah. I’m an admiral now, so it’s just desk work for me, but I used to be a captain,” Jim answers, remembering his old ship. He’s named this little boat after it, after the island. Everything is Enterprise. “What about you?”

 

“I have been a professor at the University of California for the past 18 years,” Spock states. Astrophysics, Jim knows. He’s kept up with Spock’s work. Aside from teaching, he’s also put many pieces of research forward, boundary-breaking, earth-shattering work. Jim can’t help but feel proud. 

 

A year after he last spoke to Spock, when he returned to San Francisco, he’d checked to see if he was still there. He’d known it was a long shot, of course. Spock didn’t live in the same apartment anymore, he’d discovered, and when he’d called, another man had picked up. Jim knew that he couldn’t expect him to wait a year after they’d only dated a week, but it still hurt. He’d promised. 

 

“How’d you know Tonia, Spock?” Leonard asks. 

 

“I knew her briefly when she visited San Francisco,” Spock answers. He seems reluctant to talk about her. Jim wonders if Spock ever dated Tonia. Maybe it’s been her he’s been in love with all these years; Jim wouldn’t put it past her to make every man she’s ever known fall in love with her. Jim had been pretty damn sure  _ he _ was in love with her once upon a time. But it was brief, and when they’d separated, Jim had been satisfied with where their relationship ended. 

 

“Hmph,” Leonard says and Jim can sympathize with the jealousy edging his voice, though not for the same reasons. Jim glances at Spock again, surprised to realize that Spock has been staring at him first out of the corner of those dark brown eyes. He swallows painfully and tears his eyes away. 

 

“Land ho, gentlemen,” he says instead of something stupid, like how much he’s missed Spock and how all the feelings he thought he’d forgotten are coming crashing down again. Enterprise Island comes into view and serves as a testament to the fact that Jim Kirk feels everything all at once, dredging up old memories, both good and bad. He glares at Leonard one more time for good measure, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Do  _ not _ blow this for us!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you find the b99 reference i love you forever  
> ITS SPIRK TIME BABEYYYYYYYY oh fuck yeah i love writing angst  
> anyways christine and janice are married and i think its time we all accepted that  
> also michael has a lil cameo in here bc i just finished watching disco and She... we stan a badass bitch!!!!  
> oh ya i lied abt not updating im Full Of Stress for the upcoming school year and im channeling it all into here so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	6. Mamma Mia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're here.

 

 

“He seems like a nice boy,” Christine says neutrally. 

 

“I know, I know,” Tonia says, “But I still can’t believe Pavel is getting  _ married _ .” 

 

“You knew this was going to happen one day,” Janice says, draping an arm over her shoulders. 

 

“I  _ know _ ,” Tonia repeats. Christine leans on her other shoulder. Tonia sniffs and wipes at her eyes. “God, I’m so stupid, aren’t I?”   
  


“Honey, this is probably the _ least _ stupid thing you’ve cried over,” Janice says wryly. 

 

“A-and sometimes I wonder,” Tonia confesses, “What if I owe him a father? He’s never had a male role model. Maybe I should’ve, I don’t know, tried harder? To find someone, I mean. I-”

 

“Tonia,” Christine says sweetly, “You have been the best damn single mother out there.”

 

“And who needs male role models?” Janice adds, “It’s like you’re not even best friends with two lesbians.”   
  


Tonia gives her a watery smile. “You’re right.”

 

“He had Christopher Pike, too,” Christine points out.

 

“Yeah,” Tonia says, nodding. “Oh, enough about me. What have you two been up to?”   
  


~~~

 

“Nothing,” Nyota says dismally.

 

“You found nothing?” Pavel asks again. 

 

“So did we!” Scotty exclaims.

 

“Wait, if we’re all here, then who’s waiting for The Dads?” Hikaru asks.

 

Four pairs of eyes widen and four mouths form swears.

 

~~~

 

“Here we are: Enterprise Island,” Jim announces. “First order of business is to find Tonia.”

 

Spock winces. Jim pretends he doesn’t notice. He has to admit, he’s burning with curiosity as to how Spock knows Tonia. With Jim’s luck, Tonia invited him to try and matchmake them. It’s the only thing he can think of because as far as he knows, Tonia’s spent most of her life on the island.

 

“She’ll probably be at the hotel,” he continues. 

 

“That was  _ our _ dream,” Leonard says quietly. 

 

“She runs a hotel?” Spock asks himself. 

 

Jim rolls his eyes internally. It’s not his fault the universe hates him and he’s stuck at the wedding of the daughter of a girl he used to know with an ex he never got over who doesn’t even recognize him and a lovesick bastard who fucked up the last time he was here. 

 

“This way, please,” he says with a hint of irritation. He still knows the island paths and it looks like Leonard does too, from the reverent way he takes in his surroundings. They’re almost at the top of the long climb when Jim is barreled into by a blur. 

 

“T-terribly sorry,” the boy stutters, backing up. He can’t be more than twenty-five. He runs his hand through his disheveled brown hair, staring up at Jim and his companions in shock. “Y-you’re-”

 

“Jim Kirk,” Jim says with a friendly smile. The boy’s eyes widen and his eyes flicker to the other two men.

 

“I am Spock Grayson,” Spock says solemnly.

  
“Dr. Leonard McCoy,” Leonard says. 

 

The boy’s mouth parts slightly and he seems to be in a state of shock. 

 

“Pavel! Did you find-” a girl says, running up after him. “Oh.” 

 

A last person runs up, panting, and puts his hands on his knees. “Ach, don’t run so fast!” he complains.

 

“Pavel… Pavel Chekov?” Jim asks.

 

“That’s me,” Pavel says faintly.

 

“You’re Tonia’s boy! Hey, congratulations!” Leonard says, stepping forward to genially pat his back. 

 

“I would extend my own felicitations as well,” Spock murmurs. 

 

“And me,” Jim adds, determined not to be left out.

“Right! Well, we have your lodgings all set up,” the girl says after glancing at Pavel nervously.

 

“Yes, of course,” Pavel says with a shaky smile. “This is Nyota Uhura and Montgomery Scott, but you can just call him Scotty.”

 

Nyota steps in to whisper something in Pavel’s ear. He nods. 

 

“Scotty and I will be… around,” she says, before tugging her friend in the direction of the hotel.

 

“This way,” Pavel says, turning in the opposite direction.

 

“Isn’t the hotel that way?” Jim asks, pointing in the direction of Nyota and Scotty.

 

“Yes, but you’re somewhere else,” Pavel says vaguely.

 

Jim tries to catch up to him to ask him more questions, but Pavel moves deftly through the brush like he’s been doing it all his life. Oh wait, he has. 

 

“In here,” Pavel commands, and the three men follow him into a small cottage, then up onto the second level. Spock raises a single, elegant eyebrow. Pavel turns around to face them, apology written haphazardly over his face like a child had scrawled it in permanent marker. “I sent the invitations,” he blurts.

 

“What?” the three of them exclaim at the same time. Leonard stiffens in anger, but Spock seems to relax a tiny bit. As for Jim, he doesn’t know what to do.

 

“I just vanted to give her a nice surprise! She’s done so much for me and I’ve heard about you guys, and I thought it vould make her happy!” Pavel defends himself.

 

“Pavel,” Jim sighs, “Calm down, it’s okay. We’re not mad.”

 

“We aren’t?” Leonard says. Jim and Spock both glare at him.

 

“It’s just-”

 

“I should’ve known she didn’t want to see me. Jim, can we just get back on your boat and get the hell out of here?” Leonard grumbles.

 

“I owe Tonia a great debt. She helped me to find direction in a time in my life when I had none,” Spock says in his quiet voice that demands attention. “I will stay and reunite with her if Pavel believes it will make her happy.”

 

Jim fights down the jealousy that surfaces as he wonders once more how Spock and Tonia were involved. “I agree with Spock. As far as I’m concerned, I’m meeting an old friend again.” he says.

There’s a rap at the window and they all turn around. It’s Scotty, looking very much panicked. Pavel opens the window with a screech.

 

“She’s on her way here to pick up some tools ‘n stuff on the bottom floor, I dinnae ask her why,” Scotty says in a rush. “You gotta get outta here!”

 

“Fuck, okay,” Pavel says under his breath, then starts to climb out the window. He turns back quickly. “Promise me you won’t talk to her! Don’t tell anyone anything! I’ll be back, I swear, I just- Shit. I gotta go, but promise me!” 

 

“Of course,” Spock agrees readily.

 

Jim sighs. “Alright.”

 

“Fine,” Leonard says.

 

Pavel climbs out the window.

 

“What have we gotten ourselves into?” Jim murmurs once he’s gone. 

 

~~~

 

Tonia dismisses it the first time she hears a noise in the attic. The second time, it sounds suspiciously like voices. The third time, she’s hesitantly lifting the pass and peering out into the room. The first thing she sees is a battered briefcase and it takes her a second to place where she’s seen it before. Another glance confirms her guess: “Spock Grayson” is neatly stitched into the side. 

 

Spock? Here? Why? Tonia tries to contain her panic. There was more than one voice, so who else was up there? She doesn’t recognize the second man at first. His back is to her, showing only browned curls. Then he turns around and Tonia’s panic levels quadruple. Jim Kirk? Why would he be here, and with Spock? 

 

“Jim, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here.” says a grouchy Southern voice and Tonia’s heart stops. Leonard McCoy. It’s too much all at once, and Tonia gently closes the pass and slides down the ladder, taking deep breaths. Then she sprints for the door. 

 

“Woah, Tonia-” Janice says as she barrels into their room. Tonia is aware she’s hyperventilating by now, but she hardly cares. 

 

“He’s here,” she chokes out.

 

“Who?” Christine asks.

  
“All of them! All of my exes!” Tonia yells.

 

“Even that guy from high school?” Janice asks.

 

“No! Only the three ones from that summer, you know the one!” 

 

“Tonia, sit down,” Christine says gently. “We’re going to caaaalm doooown.”

 

Christine has a naturally soothing voice, so Tonia sniffles and nods. “Everything is gonna be okay. We just have to come up with a game plan.”

 

“But why are they here?!” Tonia moans. “And Pavel’s wedding is tomorrow!”

 

“We’re gonna fix this,” Janice vows. She takes Tonia’s hair in hand and gently combs it with her fingers. Tonia takes a shaking deep breath as Janice weaves her hair into a braid. 

 

“I’m gonna tell them to get out!” Tonia says.

 

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?” Christine asks, beginning to braid Janice’s hair.

 

“Tonia, no offense, but you’d either give Leonard a black eye or kiss him, and both of those are bad outcomes,” Janice says.

 

“That’s true,” Tonia admits.

 

“Why don’t Christine and I go tell them to fuck off?” Janice suggests.

 

“I’d rather stay here with Tonia,” Christine says quietly. Janice leans back to kiss her on the cheek.

 

“Of course, babe,” she says. “I’ll go by myself then and give them a piece of my mind.”

 

“Not all of them,” Tonia says half-heartedly, “Just Len. Tell Spock nicely to go home, and Jim can stay. It’ll be nice to see him again, at least. Oh, I still don’t know what they’re doing here!”

 

“Scream at McCoy, tell Spock nicely to leave, let Jim stay. Got it,” Janice recites.

 

“Christine, turn around,” Tonia says, taking her friend’s hair in her hands. By the time her breathing has evened out and her tears are dried, the three of them have perfectly braided hair and a game plan. 

  
“ _ Why _ are they here?” Tonia whispers to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school??? tomorrow??? more likely than you think  
> here it is bois the chapter where the dads arrive and we're p much done with flashbacks now time for Real Action babeys  
> uhhh as always i crave validation so blease comment


	7. Knowing Me, Knowing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunion and 3 dads on a boat (again)

Janice Rand is not usually confrontational. She is rational, professional, and calm in risky situations. All of this goes out the window where her friends are concerned. Her face is scrunched into an angry pout as she marches up to the old cottage. 

 

“I can’t watch,” Tonia moans, covering her eyes with her hands. Her and Christine are hunched over, hiding inside of a nearby bush. It’s very uncomfortable.

 

“Oh, look,” Christine comments, “She’s banging on the door now.” Tonia peeks through her fingers.

 

“LEONARD MCCOY YOU GET OFF THIS ISLAND!” Janice yells. 

 

“Ohhhh!” Tonia wails. 

 

“Spock Grayson, please leave, we don’t know what you’re doing here. Jim Kirk, you can stay but only if you’re nice.” Janice declares.

 

Three heads poke out of the one (1) window in confusion. 

 

“Tonia send you to do her dirty work?” Leonard asks snidely. Jim elbows him. 

 

“Hi, Janice. Remember me? We met 20 years ago.” Jim says brightly. He does not notice Spock glare at him at this. 

 

“Hi, Jim.” Janice says. Then she glares at Leonard. “Get out.”

 

“But we were-” Spock says with a slight frown before Jim elbows him, too.

 

“Just leaving,” Jim finishes hastily. “Isn’t that right, McCoy?”   
  


“Now hang on a minute, I just wanna see-” Leonard protests.    
  


Tonia feels something by her ankle. She looks down and nearly screams when she sees a mouse. She whimpers. Christine looks down, sees the mouse. Christine and Tonia lock eyes, then scream, jumping out of the bush. 

 

“Tonia,” Leonard exhales as Tonia and Christine extract themselves from the bush. Tonia looks up and stops in her tracks. She’s suddenly acutely aware of the leaves sticking out of her hair and how her dress is skewed. Leonard’s gained many wrinkles over the years, but they somehow give him character. Inquisitive blue eyes are just the same as before, the brown whorl of hair. She hates that she’s missed the feeling of having his eyes trained on her.

 

“Hi,” she says with a nervous smile before she remembers she’s supposed to be telling him off. “Leonard McCoy, I should hope that your memory isn’t failing with old age! Don’t you remember that I told you to never come back?!”   
  
“See, I- Yes.” Leonard says apologetically. 

  
“Then leave!” Tonia says. 

 

“Which is what we were just doing. Have a nice day, Tonia.” Jim says hurriedly, grabbing McCoy’s arm. “Spock, let’s go.”

 

“No, wait. Jim, you can stay. Spock- what are you even doing here?” Tonia sighs.

 

“I was invited,” Spock says with an eyebrow raise.

 

“Uh, it’s best that we all get going. Great seeing you, Tonia, uh, bye,” Jim blurts, pulling his accomplices away from Tonia. “Bye!”   
  


Tonia shakes her head in exasperation.

 

~~~

  
  


“They’re leaving!” Nyota wails as soon as she catches up with Pavel. He curses. 

 

“Don’t wait up!” he calls, sprinting down to the cottage. When he arrives, he can see the white sails of a boat in the distance with three figures on board. “Oh, shit.”

 

“Wait!” Pavel yells, running down to the dock. He waves his arms and jumps around. “Wait!” He pulls off his shirt and jumps in the water. Pavel grins when he hears shouts of exclamation from the boat. He pulls himself up and onto the boat and sits there, smugly dripping water. “I told you to to wait.”

 

Jim’s hand is on his forehead, Spock looks amused, and McCoy incredulous. 

 

“Well that’s just great,” Jim says venomously. “I  _ told _ you this wasn’t a good idea!” 

 

“No,  no,” Pavel says hurriedly, “She just needs to warm up a little! Please, don’t leave yet.”

 

“Look, kid,” McCoy says, “Your ma told us to get out and I’m inclined to follow her instructions.”

 

“No, she’ll be so happy tomorrow,” Pavel promises, “Just give her a little time.”

 

“She did not seem happy to see us,” Spock states.

 

Pavel waves his hands insistently. “It’s fine. Just please, come to my wedding. You know vhat, don’t even vorry about it now. I can show you zhe island!” 

 

“I already know the island,” Jim and Leonard say at the same time. Spock glances at them. Jim’s face is hard granite but Leonard’s is like curdled milk.

 

“I would not be averse to that,” Spock says quietly. Pavel cheers internally. Jim’s face softens. 

 

“Alright, fine. We’ll show Spock the island, then we’ll leave,” Jim acquiesces. 

 

“Yes!” Pavel cheers.

 

“Jim, I don’t know-” Leonard hedges.

 

“Len, it’s his wedding.” Jim says staunchly. 

 

“It is,” Pavel agrees.

 

“Fine! But no telling Tonia,” Leonard says. Pavel smiles as widely as he can and gives them a thumbs up.

 

Jim does some things with the sails (Pavel isn’t a sailor, okay?) and the boat picks up speed. 

 

“So, how did you guys know my mom?” Pavel asks.

 

“We met briefly when I obtained my doctorate,” Spock says after a brief pause. 

 

“So you only met her once?” Jim asks with a little more interest than could be considered casual. Maybe Jim was still in love with Pavel’s mom! Pavel could see it in his mind’s eye already; Jim would help Tonia with the hotel, Tonia wouldn’t be quite so lonely anymore, Jim would teach him how to sail-

 

“Yes,” Spock answers, with a tone that signifies that was the end of that. 

 

“Let’s go ashore here,” Pavel suggests, pointing out a sandy shore. There is something between Spock and Jim that makes him uneasy. He thinks that maybe at some point he will have to tear them away from a fight.

 

The beach leads uphill to a small pond with a pale pink flowering tree. Pavel thinks it will be a good place for them to tell the stories he so desperately wants to hear, but Jim and Spock don’t seem to be in the mood for camaraderie. Spock has been refusing to look at Jim while Jim continues to send him angry glances. Leonard seems to want none of it, picking up his pace as he tries to distance himself from the others.

 

They’re getting into the brush now, verdant leaves and bright green grass to soothe their feet. Pavel hears a rustle of leaves from up ahead. He looks behind him; Jim and Spock have stopped to argue about something and he winces before turning around to follow Leonard off the path.

 

~~~

 

Being on the island again is bittersweet for Leonard. The land is still home, even twenty years later. The look on Tonia’s face when she saw him still pains him; clear shock and horror written across her face. All he wants to do is go back home, but the faint hope that she’ll talk to him again keeps him anchored to these shores. It seems that with every step he takes, he finds another familiar scene and another wave of nostalgia and guilt washes over him as the tides take the beach.

 

But nothing takes him back quite like stepping into the grove lined with drooping trees dotted with vibrant orange fruits tumbling off the tree and littering the ground. It feels like stepping into a fairy realm and he’s suddenly aware that he’s left the rest of the group behind. The only noise is the quiet wind, like the sleeping breath of a sprite perched on his shoulder. He bends down to pick up an orange, melancholy seeping into his bones.

 

“Leonard?” Pavel asks timidly from behind him. Pavel stops in his tracks, taking in his surroundings. “Oh.”

 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Leonard asks. Pavel nods. 

 

“I’ve never seen this place before,” Pavel supplies.

 

“Tonia never showed you?”   
  


He shakes his head. 

 

“I-”   
  


Leonard swallows the lump in his throat and grins wryly, blinking back the emotions welling up in him. He pulls a worn, folded piece of paper from his shirt pocket and unfolds it slowly. Pavel watches with rapt attention. Wide brown eyes and unruly chestnut hair; he looks like Tonia, Leonard thinks with a pang. 

 

“This is your ma, from twenty years ago,” Leonard says roughly, handing the drawing to Pavel. Tonia is drawn in colored pencil, reaching up to pick an orange from a tree. She’s on her toes, brow furrowed and biting her lip in concentration. She’s the only thing in color in the picture, but the orange seems to draw color from her touch. The background is loosely sketched in a normal pencil. Pavel takes it gingerly, eyes drinking in the drawing with reverence.

 

“I never knew you were an artist,” Pavel says softly.

 

Leonard shrugs noncommittally. “Just a hobby for me.”

 

“No, this is really good,” Pavel insists. His face falls when Leonard simply shrugs again in response and Leonard immediately feels like he’s just kicked a puppy. Pavel studies the drawing once more in silence. Leonard watches him, feeling a sudden surge of protectiveness over this young man. Twenty is still plenty young and Pavel is so cheerful that it seems like he’s even younger. Even if whatever Leonard and Tonia had is over, Leonard vows to himself that he’ll keep an eye on this child. 

 

“She came here often,” Leonard brings himself to say. “When I was here.”

 

Pavel looks up at him hopefully and Leonard resigns himself to giving in to whatever Pavel wants, present and future. 

 

“Let me start at the beginning. I was on the mainland one day when some guy runs up to me yelling about needing a doctor…” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOO ok so since the last time ive posted i have:  
> \- joined 3 clubs (maybe 4??)  
> \- taken 3 tests  
> \- gotten new responsibilities at the school greenhouse  
> \- gotten a deadline for perfecting a 6 page concerto
> 
> so uhhh maybe slow updates from now on god isnt school fun??? but here have this and next time we have spirk bitching at each other bc of repressed emotions but its gonna clear up eventually!!! um yea


	8. Lay All Your Love On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one knows what emotions are; don't even ask.

Jim doesn’t know why Spock is mad at him, but he doesn’t want anything to do with it. Spock thinks he doesn’t see the angry glares he keeps shooting out of the corner of his eye when he thinks Jim isn’t looking? Fine. But it’s not like  _ Jim _ is the one who doesn’t even recognize him. Jim’s been nothing but polite the whole time. Spock keeps his mouth shut in a firm line, so it’s up to Jim to make the first move. He’s never been one for cutting around the chase, so he stops in his tracks and turns around to face Spock.   
  
“Why are you angry with me?” he asks, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. Wow, he hadn’t even been aware of that. But Spock had a habit of pulling feelings out of him he didn’t even know were there.

  
Spock stops abruptly, brows slightly knit together in confusion. If Jim weren’t pissed right now, he would say it was adorable. “I am not angry with you,” Spock lies. Jim can tell it’s a lie because of the slight emphasis on  _ you _ and the hesitation before he speaks.

 

“Really,” Jim says flatly. Leonard and Pavel are going on up ahead, and Jim knows he and Spock are falling behind. 

 

Spock hesitates, again. Jim can only say that he barely knows the man, yet he knows that this is atypical for him. “What was your relationship with Tonia Barrows?” he blurts quickly.

 

Jim bites back an exasperated sigh. So this was what his life had come to? Out of all the people to be in love with Tonia, he’d expected Leonard, at least. And that much was obvious, but definitely not Spock Grayson. How did they know each other again? Just his luck; an old friend and a long-lost love just happened to be in love. Was  _ everyone _ in love with Tonia except Jim?

 

“We were good friends until I left for the Navy,” Jim explains. He feels like he’s repeating himself, over and over. Everything comes back to Tonia, it seems. 

 

Spock makes a noise of assent and falls silent again. Jim’s not finished though. Everything today has been so frustrating, so hopeless that he feels like he’s climbing a cliff made out of glass. “What does it matter to you?” he asks, wanting to hear Spock say it. 

 

“It does  _ not _ ,” Spock says. 

 

“It does! You’re jealous!” Jim shouts. Why won’t he just say it? Why does he have to make everything so complicated?

 

Spock’s face flushes and twists. “My own feelings are mine and do not concern you.” he growls before stalking away. Jim grabs his arm even as his own heart sinks. 

 

“Listen, I don’t know how you knew her, but if you’re still in love with Tonia, then maybe you do still have a chance.  _ I’m _ not in love with her.” Jim says. The anger bleeds out of him as he realizes that Spock and him are the same. Both of them in love with people from years ago who seem to want little to do with them now. Spock looks down at Jim’s hand on his arm and up at his face, eyes a little wide. The lines untwist themselves and Spock’s face softens out like linen sheets. Jim swallows his heart from where it’s leapt up into his throat as he is faced with a stark reminder of how beautiful Spock was; is.

 

“I…” Spock says, wetting his lips. He seems to shake himself out of a trance and gently pulls his arm out of Jim’s grip. “...appreciate your understanding.” Jim flashes Spock a tiny smile, to be returned with one of Spock’s half-smiles. It’s worth it, then.

 

~~~

 

Spock follows Jim up the hill and hears Leonard’s voice drifting over the wind, telling a story to Pavel. Jim turns to him, holding up a finger to smiling lips to signal stealth. Spock inclines his head in a slight nod despite the wealth of emotions surging through him once again. His heart had almost stopped when he thought Jim had known his true feelings, that the jealousy he felt was towards Tonia, not Jim. How could he have told Jim why he was angry when Jim didn’t even remember why?

 

“So, it’s your first time on the island?” Jim asks jovially, but Spock can pick up a hint of sadness beneath it. Jim is an enigma to him, an infinite puzzle box of emotion. 

 

“Indeed,” Spock says. Jim points through the bushes to where Pavel and Leonard are.

 

“That’s the orange grove; it’s beautiful there. We should… we could come back sometime.” Jim continues. 

 

“I would like that,” Spock says quietly. Jim’s answering smile is enough to keep Spock warm until the sun goes out.

 

“There’s a little lake up there,” Jim says, pointing in a different direction, “And it’s mostly forest over that way.” Spock lets Jim’s voice wash over him, bringing peace to his turbulent mind. He isn’t sure how much time passes, just that in this brief moment, he is content for the first time in years.

 

After some time, Jim sticks his head through the leaves and calls Pavel and Leonard back. The four of them continue up the hill and Jim lets Pavel take the lead in describing their surroundings. Jim’s mood seems to have improved somewhat since their talk, but there is still something in him Spock does not understand. 

 

Pavel is a bright and lively young man, excited to show them every landmark on the island. He talks animatedly about his life, from meeting his friends at college to helping his mother around the island. Spock is thrilled to discover that Pavel is an astronomer and they bond over science. Jim oftens buts in to augment Pavel’s explanations of the island, which pleases Pavel to no end. They traipse all over the island until the sun begins to set and Pavel sees his fiance on the beach, calling for him.

 

“Promise you’ll come to my wedding!” Pavel blurts before running down the hill.

 

“Of course!” Jim speaks for the three of them. Pavel’s wide grin reminds Spock of Jim’s. 

 

~~~

 

“How did meeting your dad go?” Hikaru asks when Pavel runs to meet him. “Which one is it?”   
  
“I don’t know!” Pavel wails, throwing himself into Hikaru’s arms. Hikaru chuckles.

 

“What do you mean you don’t know? Weren’t you just insisting that you’d know as soon as you saw him?”

 

“That vas then, this is now. I have  _ three _ whole dads and I don’t know vhich one is the real one!” Pavel says.

 

“Wow, three whole dads. Not three half dads?” Hikaru asks. Pavel smacks him lightly on the arm.

 

“If Nyota were here she’d give a lecture on figures of speech and colloquialisms, but it’s just me, so I’m going to tell you that you’re just not funny,” Pavel grouses, burying his head in Hikaru’s shoulder.

 

“But I’m funny enough to marry!” Hikaru exclaims, sliding his hands between them and tickling Pavel, who shrieks.

 

“Nooo, stop!” Pavel complains, pushing him away. “See, now I have  _ three whole dads _ to come after you if you tickle me again.”

 

“I’m having a hard time imagining Spock telling me to stop tickling you,” Hikaru says, pretending to think hard.

 

Pavel stops in his tracks. “Do you think my dad is Spock? Is that why he’s the first one you thought of?”

 

“What- no, he’s just the one least likely to play along with a joke. Do  _ you _ think it’s Spock?” Hikaru replies in confusion.

  
“No -- yes! I don’t know!” Pavels shouts, throwing his hands up.

 

“Hey, hey. We’ll figure it out,” Hikaru coaxes, all mirth gone. “And if you don’t know by tomorrow, we’ll just have all three of them walk you down the aisle!”

 

Pavel brightens a little. “I guess zhey could.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok im gonna try n write a new chapter every week but idk bc my weekends are uhhhh YIKE ok but anyways have this sweet sweet spirk + a lil chulu (is that the ship name??)


	9. Chiquitita

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people are sad. That's mostly it.

“He’s a good kid,” Jim offers at the same time Spock says, “It is an honor to be invited to his wedding,” when Bones says, “If anything happened to him I would kill everyone on this island and then myself.”

 

Jim blinks in surprise. “Well. That’s settled, then.”

  
“Excuse me, Jim, Leonard. I am in the habit of meditating nightly and the island is full of prime locations in which to stay. I will return to the boat later,” Spock says, taking off to some remote corner of the island. Jim says “taking off,” but he really means “elegantly walking away like a fancy duke at an old-time ball.”

 

Jim watches him go, longing to follow him rising up fiercely in his chest. 

 

“Jim?” Bones asks.

 

“It’s nothing,” Jim deflects, turning his head away from staring after Spock’s retreating form. Their tour of the island has brought back Jim’s old feelings with a vengeance he can’t deny. Every little thing Spock does seems to remind him of why he fell so hard, so long ago. Jim catches himself staring often, so often that he fears Spock will notice. Even when they argue, Jim’s gaze always falls to his lips and he’s drawn to the shape of his jaw and the spray of his lashes. The frustration that mounts when they argue is never truly anger, rather the suppressed desire to grab him by the shoulders and kiss him fiercely. 

 

“No, I meant- are we going to get going soon? It’s late.” Bones says. 

 

“Oh,” Jim says lamely. 

 

“Are you alright?” Bones asks, because of course he’s a doctor and can always tell.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jim answers, with a flash of the quicksilver smile that gets him out of anything. Bones harrumphs and Jim turns away to begin the trek to the boat.

 

He knows that one week nine years ago probably didn’t mean anything to Spock and he’s probably making a big deal out of something trivial, and he knows that Tonia is the one Spock’s been in love with all these years, and he knows that the jealousy is eating him alive, and he knows he has to get off this island before he explodes, he knows, he knows, he knows! And he can’t help himself from biting out the words,    
  
“Looks like you’ve got competition.” 

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bones asks.

 

“Spock,” Every word is like grabbing onto a strand of brambles and pulling, “You’re not the only one still in love with Tonia.”

“First of all, who said anything about me still being in love with Tonia?” Bones defends himself. Jim gives him a pointed look. “Alright, fine, maybe I am. But Spock hasn’t shown any signs of that! He seems pretty darned happy to be here just as a friend to her.”

 

“He told me,” Jim says. “Or, as good as.”

 

“Oh,” Bones says, stopping in his tracks so that Jim overshoots him and has to back up. “Do you think she-?”   
  


Jim sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything.”

 

“Okay, Socrates,” Bones huffs. They stand there for a moment, not meeting each other’s eyes in the moonlight.

 

“Do you have anything to drink?” Bones asks. 

 

“No,” Jim says dejectedly. “But I bet we can find something  _ somewhere _ on this island”

 

Bones brightens. “Let’s go, then!” 

 

Jim rolls his eyes, but smiles. “The solution to all our problems.”   
  
“You’re damn right,” Bones admonishes.

 

~~~

 

The mountains of Enterprise Island are very beautiful. Green sprawls across every surface, softening the hard lines of stone, and a variety of flora blooms in every corner. The overgrown path that Spock had followed had been precarious, but it was worth it to find this quiet perch. The moonlight shines over the calm sea, glittering as the gentle waves lap at the shore. 

 

It is, he thinks, the perfect spot to meditate. Closing his eyes, he begins to order his thoughts. First, the matter of Jim. It is fortuitous that Jim had misinterpreted his feelings and redirected them towards Tonia, as Spock has no viable reason for having feelings for Jim. Not anymore. It is obvious that Jim does not value their time together as much as Spock had, seeing as Jim never returned and subsequently forgot. Therefore, it is futile to hold anger or frustration towards Jim and to be jealous of Tonia. Try as he might, though, the images of Jim that his mind continues to conjure still invokes a desperate longing in him. The feelings that he had suppressed many years ago had now returned, as strong as if Jim had never been gone, and they refuse to fade away. 

 

“Hello? Mister Spock?” a hesitant voice calls. Spock’s eyes snap open. “Ah, there you are,” Pavel Chekov says, beaming. 

 

“Mister Chekov,” Spock says slowly. “May I ask what you are doing here?”

 

“I was looking for you,” Pavel admits. His bright energy wavers into hesitancy. “You see, I think… I think you might be my father,” he says, haltingly, then in a rush.

 

Spock blinks once, then twice. The memory of knowing Tonia many years ago flashes across his mind like a hot brand. “I…” he says, at a loss for words.

 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t vant to!” Pavel explains quickly, “I’m not expecting a father figure or anything, I just vanted you to know!” 

 

Spock looks up into scared brown eyes, ones that remind him of his own a long time ago. “I am… immensely honored to be your father,” Spock tells him, low and serious. “I will be… I will be a good father to the best of my ability, this I promise.”

 

Pavel throws his arms around Spock in a tight hug, briefly throwing him off balance. Spock recovers quickly, instinctively holding Pavel’s shoulders to steady him. Pavel burrows his face into Spock’s shoulder, holding him in a vice grip.

 

“Thank you,” Pavel mumbles into his shoulder and Spock is hit by an intense urge to protect this child, to hold him and to give him the world. Spock gently extends his arm to support Pavel’s head.

 

“My mother,” Spock says, breaking the silence, “would always sing this song to me when I was distraught as a child.” If anyone else but Pavel hears him right now, Spock would deny this to his dying day, but as it is, he begins to sing.

 

“ _ Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong _ …”

 

When the song is complete, Pavel’s grip has gone slack and he rests his head against Spock’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he says again, quieter than the crash of waves against the shore. 

 

“Is all well with you?” Spock queries, concern taking him over like vines in a forgotten garden.

 

“Yes, yes,” Pavel reassures him. “I… I only vanted to know vhat… it felt like to have a father.” Spock holds down another wave of protectiveness. 

 

“So… what are you doing all the way up here?” Pavel asks.

 

“I am meditating,” Spock answers him. 

 

“Cool,” Pavel says.

 

“Indeed,” Spock replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yee okay i finally have a new chapter we're almost there folks!! after this im probably gonna do mainly depression fic bc im in school and thats just how it be ughhhh im gonna try and update soon!!!


	10. Cassandra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kylie Jenner said, everyone is just realizing stuff.

After teaching Pavel how to meditate, (and wasn’t that something, having a son he could teach to meditate as Sarek taught him?) Spock and Pavel journeyed back to the hotel as it was very late. A quiet sense of accomplishment and pride was instilled in him as Spock noted how quickly Pavel was able to easily meditate in silence with him. Though Pavel was outgoing and exuberant where Spock was quiet and controlled, he could see some of himself in the bright young man. 

 

“My mom doesn’t know I know,” Pavel confesses on the way back. “That you’re my dad, I mean.” 

 

Spock raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

 

“I read her diary from years ago,” Pavel continues, wincing. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I needed to know!” 

 

“I am not one to judge you,” Spock reassures him evenly. 

 

“So don’t tell her I told you,” Pavel says. “But I really did want you here for my wedding. Will you… will you walk me down the aisle tomorrow?”   
  
Spock’s throat closes up at the cautiously hopeful words. They have just met, yet he feels an indescribable bond to the young man: his son. He has never dreamed that he would ever have a son to walk down the aisle, but he is not one to waste what great blessing life has bestowed upon him. 

 

“I would be… very, very honored to escort you down the aisle, Pavel Chekov,” Spock says slowly, making sure to say the words strongly, to reassure Pavel that those are indeed his feelings towards the matter. The moment tomorrow he would treasure with his entire being; Pavel Chekov fits into his heart like a missing piece he had never known was absent.

  
  
  


“Pavel! You’re back!” Tonia exclaims upon seeing them. “Oh. And Spock.”  she tacks on. 

 

“Hi, Mom!” Pavel calls back. “I’ve just gotta run back to town and grab some stuff, then I’m done for tonight!”   
  


“Alright, but don’t stay out too long; your aunts and I can take care of the rest of the preparations,” Tonia replies.

 

“Tonia, a word please,” Spock entreats. Tonia twists her face as if she’s smelled something unpleasant, but nods and approaches him. 

 

“I would like to apologize if my presence has caused you undue anxiety or complications,” he begins. Tonia massages her temple and shakes her head. 

 

“No, no, no,” she interrupts, “Just stop. First, tell me why you’re here.”

 

Spock blinks. “I was invited.” 

 

Tonia rolls her eyes. “By who?”

 

Spock hesitates. “Pavel Chekov.”   
  
“That’s ridiculous. He’s only just met you today.” Tonia scoffs.

 

“I would advise you to discuss the matter with him,” Spock evades. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that,” Tonia answers, eyes narrowing. “You’re hiding something.”

 

“I-” Spock starts, but the words leave his mouth like a finger muting the string of a violin. A loud crash sounds behind them. Jim and Leonard are making their way up the steps, clearly drunk, arms around each other’s shoulders. They’re singing loudly and offkey, but Spock is still in love with the carefree grin stretched wide across Jim’s face like taffy.

 

“Excuse me,” he murmurs to Tonia, walking over to help Jim and Leonard up the steps. It’s a narrow and steep pathway, he notices, and feels a terrible churning feeling when he thinks about what would have happened if they had fallen. He slips in between them, supporting each with a strong, steady arm and crosses the courtyard while trying not to look at Tonia. 

 

“Spock,” she calls before he leaves, “I… I understand.”

 

“Understand what?” he replies, frowning in confusion.

 

She gestures at his accomplices. “You’re here for them, aren’t you? It’s obvious you guys are close friends.”

 

Spock frowns and wordlessly opens then closes his mouth. He glances down at the two delirious figures on his arms. Leonard with the wrinkles from decades of frowning, finally smiling, and Jim with the laugh lines around his eyes and the soft russet curls. 

 

“Yes,” he says softly, hoping they won’t hear.  _ And for my son _ , he adds silently. Decades of loneliness had left him longing for a close family; if this was his chance, then he would not squander it.

 

Tonia’s face relaxes into a loose smile. “Good. It’s about time you got someone to take care of you, Spock.” she says before turning away and leaving Spock with a terrible longing for her words to be true. 

 

~~~

 

“Okay, you’re forgiven for general shittiness.” Jim says. “Oh, but you’re paying.” 

 

Bones scowls at him, but doesn’t reply in favor of downing his drink. The warmth of the crowded tavern has his clothes warm on the side of uncomfortable and the drink has his cheeks ruddy and pink. He’s been feeling chilly a long while, so the warmth is gratefully accepted, even if it’s the kind that vibrates in his chest and makes his legs go tight like he’s had too much coffee. Seeing Tonia after so long makes him remember what summers used to feel like and that drink is not always cold. The thought of this makes him squeeze his eyes shut and the warmth rushes up through him like a wave, burning prickles down his spine. He can feel his cheeks burn.

 

“Hey. Are you alright?” Jim asks, a little softer, a little gentler. 

 

“No,” Bones admits, taking another swig. 

 

Jim deflates. “Me neither.”    
  
And that’s that, it seems.

 

Bones has always prided himself on being someone who could hold his liquor. In med school, he paid half his rent in money won in drinking contests and he only improved his “skill” after the divorce. Suffice it to say, he was still very lucid by the time Jim was sliding off his stool. 

 

“Oh my god, Bones,” he drawls into Bones’ shoulder when Bones hoists him upright. “It feels like someone took one’a those- those big, y’know, those big forks?”

  
“Big fork?”

 

“Yeah! Y’know, like the one Satan has.”

 

“A… pitchfork?”    
  


“Yeah! Thanks Bones, you’re the best. Anyways, it just- i’just feels like… like i’s righ’  _ here _ , y’know?” Jim says earnestly, thumping his chest. 

 

Bones subconsciously mirrors the action, looking down at his own hand in surprise. “Y-Yeah,” he stutters. The world sways out of focus for a moment. Okay, maybe he’s not as sober as he thought. “Is it heartburn? Did we eat too much?”

 

Jim shakes his head emphatically. “No… I just…. I sad.” He slumps down to the floor. “I just miss ‘im a lot.” he says quietly, almost a whisper.

 

“Wha’?” Bones asks, frowning. “Ya gotta speak up, I don’ got hearin’ like I used to.” 

 

“No, it’s nothing,” Jim says firmly, dusting himself up and rising to his feet. “I don’t.”

 

“Naw, come on,” Bones says, waving his hand. “Gotta tell me now.”

 

Jim casts a furtive glance around the bar, then stumbles towards the door. When they exit and the glow of warmth seems to fade, Jim takes a deep breath. “I- I still miss him,” he blurts, looking to Bones like he’s a priest and Jim is a sinner in a confessional booth. The confession comes out of him in a guilty burst.

 

Bones is somehow both not drunk enough nor sober enough for this. “Miss who?”

 

“Spock,” Jim whispers, and the pink drains out of his cheeks and Jim could be standing in the snow for the way he wrapped his arms around himself and shivered in the summer heat. 

 

“Oh,” Bones says, and the liquor helps slide the pieces into place despite the missing pieces. “Oh.”

 

“You can’t tell him,” Jim says, the desperation creeping into his voice. 

 

“I won’t,” Bones promises. “If you won’t.”

 

Jim frowns briefly, then remembers. “Tonia?” 

 

Bones nods. 

 

Jim nods in solidarity until his face stretches wide in his dog-like grin. “Hi, Pavel!”

 

Bones turns around to see Tonia’s son stopped like a deer in headlights. “Hello,” he says faintly. 

 

The alcohol greases the gears in his brain and Bones studies Pavel until the lightbulb over his head finally flickers on. 

 

“I’m your dad?” Bones asks aloud. It all makes sense; why he was invited, even though he was banned from ever returning, why  _ now _ , why Pavel’s dad was never mentioned-

 

“No, wait-” Jim slurs from beside him. “Am I?” 

 

Pavel’s eyes dart between them impossibly fast, like a professional ping pong match. “I- Yes?”

 

“I knew it!” Jim cheers victoriously. 

 

“You’re both possible dads!” Pavel blurts, panic rising in his voice.

“We can share,” Bones decides. Jim nods.

 

“Coparenting,” he adds wisely.

 

“Sure,” Pavel says faintly.

 

“Tell ya what, kiddo,” Bones offers, “The two’a us will walk ya down the aisle tomorrow! After all, we’re your dads!”   
  


“Okay,” Pavel says in a high-pitched voice. “Well, I’ve gotta- I’ve gotta get home. Bye now!” he says before dashing off.

 

“That’s my son,” Bones and Jim say in unison, grinning. With lightened hearts, they begin the ascent up the narrow stone path. Jim starts to sing a terribly off-tune version of an ABBA song and Bones joins in, earlier depression forgotten.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at me go another chapter within the week yeet  
> you can go thank my math teacher for not giving me homework yesterday and giving me easy homework today for that thanks russ ol boy  
> hey i wonder if he reads star trek fanfiction i bet not but it would be really funny anyways if you're an algebra 2 honors teacher and you like motorcycles and do really stupid metaphors about order of operations involving that weird screw then hello and thanks for allowing me to write this
> 
> ANYways here it is guys we're mcfucking realizing things. also unrelated but i read antigone today and that shit is RAW


	11. The Way Old Friends Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much filler chapter, people think about their feelings.

“Uh, hey,” Jim says hesitantly. “Is there… Is there anything you need us to do? To help get ready for the wedding?” 

 

“I’m handling it,” Tonia says sharply, reaching up to hang a garland on the wall, teetering on her ancient ladder. “Jim, just do me a favor and keep the other two musketeers out of the-”

  
“Woah there!” Jim exclaims as Tonia wobbles backwards and slips off the ladder. He catches her effortlessly. “Still don’t need my help?” he asks with a cocky grin.

 

“Put me down,” Tonia snaps. “Sorry, I’m just- It’s stressful right now.”   
  
Jim sets her on her feet gently. “Yeah,” he sighs, “I can relate to that.”

 

“Then you know why I need you to keep the other two out of the way, right? It’s just too much all at once,” Tonia explains. 

 

“Yeah, I get it,” Jim affirms, “But… I know how you know McCoy, but how do you know Sp- Grayson?”   
  


“Oh,” Tonia says, chuckling nervously, “It was… it was a long time ago. I only did meet him once.”

 

Jim suppresses the spark of hope igniting in him at that. Even knowing him for only a week, Jim knew Spock better than Tonia. 

 

“So why does he respect you so much? Not that you’re not respectable, I mean-”

 

“Does he really?” Tonia replies in casual wonder, “I didn’t realize I had that impact on him.”

 

Jim plays with the fabric of his shirt as he wonders what to say to her. That he wants desperately to know just how they met because he’s horribly jealous? That he knows Spock better than she does? That he knows Spock is still in love with her? 

 

“He’s in love with you,” he blurts, and then hates himself. To his surprise, Tonia throws her head back and laughs.

 

“Oh, that’s a good one. Very funny, Jim.” she answers.

 

“What?” 

 

“Oh.” Tonia says when Jim’s confusion is clear. “You didn’t- you didn’t know?”

 

“Know what?”

Tonia nervously pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “Jim, Spock is… Spock is gay. There’s no way he’s in love with me.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Jim says in a voice much higher than normal. “This is- I knew that. Um.”

 

“You’re not against that or anything?” Tonia asks.

 

“No! No, that would be hypocritical of me,” Jim laughs nervously. Tonia’s eyes widen and she nods. She bites her lip in the silence and Jim is reminded of a Tonia from twenty years ago and he wishes that he could have fallen in love with her instead. “I’m in love with him,” Jim blurts.

 

“Ohhh,” Tonia says, nodding like it all finally makes sense. “So you knew him from before?”   
  


“Yeah,” Jim shrugs, miserable.

 

“I’m sorry, Jim,” she says softly. “But at least you have another chance?”

 

“He doesn’t- doesn’t remember me,” Jim says, rolling his shoulders and avoiding meeting her eyes. “It’s nothing.”

 

“You could always treat it as a fresh start?” Tonia says questioningly. “Without past baggage and all that.”

 

“Oh.” Jim says. “I didn’t think of it like that.”

 

Tonia shrugs, but she’s slightly smiling. 

 

“What about you?” he asks.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Jim gestures vaguely. “Leonard.”

 

Tonia’s face sours. “We’re long over.”

 

“Just- talk to him? Please?” Jim tries, “It’s something you need to hear from him, but; it’s not what you think.”

 

“Maybe,” Tonia says dubiously. 

  
  


~~~

 

_ “Just talk to him _ ,” swims through Tonia’s head as she finishes wedding preparations.  “No way,” she mutters to herself even as her resolve crumbles.

 

She spies him out of the corner of her eye, chatting quietly with Spock as they set tables. She snorts. Aren’t she and Jim a pair? At least he has a chance, though. Tonia knows that Leonard is no good for her, even if she does wish she could take him back.  Her conversation with Jim earlier had reminded her of how things used to be… Jim teasing and carefree while Tonia and Leonard were the happy couple. Now they were just sad and old, she thought despondently. Jim had always been a shoulder to cry on for her; now she was returning the favor.

 

After the wedding, she would make sure Jim and Spock got their happy ending. But for her… Tonia would have to forget about Leonard for real, this time.

 

~~~   
  


“I’m not talking to her today; I’ll wait ‘till the wedding’s done with,” Bones insists.

 

Jim nearly cries aloud with frustration. “Getting this over with would take a lot of stress from her,” he coaxes.

 

Bones shifts on his feet uncomfortably. “She doesn’t even want to see me, Jim.” he says, again.

 

“You’re-” Jim bites out, clamping down on the rest of his words. “Just please, please, talk to her some time.”

 

“Later,” Bones says. He’s not about to tell Jim that he’s so terrified of talking to her that every time he sees her his hands start sweating and his feet want to run far away so he can never see hatred in her eyes again. He thinks that if he hears her banish him once more, he’ll run away and he won’t stop running until he circles the earth and comes right back to her for more punishment.

 

But maybe he will talk to her, because if there’s anything he knows for real, it’s that everything comes back to Enterprise Island and the island is all Tonia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh okay sorry for the short chapter but there's only a few left and those will be longer!! but also probably not soon bc the next few weeks are BUSY for me and i'm literally going to die!!! so uh here have this


	12. Slipping Through My Fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The titular chapter.

Pavel knocks lightly on the slightly ajar door to his mother’s room. “Mom?” he asks softly. Tonia’s head shoots up from where it lies on the desk. 

 

“Hey, kiddo,” she says with a smile that’s always just for him.

 

“It’s today,” Pavel says with a nervous smile, feeling jitters run through his body at the words. It’s today; today he’s getting married.

 

Tonia blinks away her tears and holds out her arms to him. “C’mere. It’s time to get you ready.” Pavel nods and walks towards her. He lets her comb his hair and trim his nails and put makeup on his face and closes his eyes and remembers his childhood. How she took care of him and how she never failed to smile for him and put food on the table. How she was always there for him after a rough day at school, or a bad breakup, or a skinned knee. Tonia’s hands run through his hair as she spreads the hair gel through it. 

 

“There,” she says quietly, a little choked. “You look- you look perfect.” 

 

“Mom,” Pavel says and he can’t help his voice from wobbling as he turns around to fall into her arms. “I love you.” 

 

“I love you too,” she says, a breath against the back of his neck. “Honey, I’m- I’m so proud of you.”

 

“I.. have something to tell you,” he admits, pulling back. “It was me. I invited Jim and Leonard and Spock.”

 

“I- What? Why?” Tonia asks, suddenly frowning and now Pavel feels  _ terrible _ . 

 

“I wanted to know my real dad and I thought I’d know but I didn’t and I thought you’d be happy but you weren’t and-”

 

“Woah, slow down,” Tonia warns, holding his arms and patting his shoulder as Pavel begins to hyperventilate. “Your dad?”

  
“I found your diary,” Pavel confesses miserably. “I know it was one of them.”   
  


“Oh my god…” Tonia whispers, laughing shakily. “I would have never- never seen this coming. Honey… I thought you knew you were adopted?” 

 

“What?” Pavel asks weakly.   
  
“I’m not Russian,” Tonia continues, “But your parents were. They came here on vacation when you were just a little baby. The way they treated you… it was horrible, especially because you were so small. You had just learned to talk- that’s where your accent comes from- and I ended up spending most of my time looking after you while your parents were away. When it was time for them to leave, I begged them to let me raise you. I think they were glad to have you off their hands, because they gave you to me with hardly any protest. You.. I thought you were old enough, to understand. Just barely. But it seems- it seems I was wrong and you didn’t remember. This doesn’t- you’re still my son; I raised and loved you like my own son, and you are. But you’re not my birth son and none of those men have any relation to you.”

 

“I…” Pavel stutters, “So that’s where my accent is from?” he asks tearfully before breaking out into hysterical giggles. 

 

Tonia smiles through her tears, “We all thought it was the strangest thing, that you’d managed to retain that accent!”

 

“Mom,” Pavel says, suddenly serious, “Walk me down the aisle tomorrow. You’re the only parent I’ve ever known; I don’t need a father to be happy. You’re the only person I need there.”

 

“I think you’d also need Hikaru for it to be a real wedding,” Tonia points out, grinning, “But yes, yes, of course I will.”    
  


Pavel tugs her into a fierce hug and buries his face in her shoulder. They stay like that for a moment before Tonia pulls back. “Oh, god, you’re going to mess up our makeup!” she protests, dabbing a tissue at her face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF I KNOW THIS IS SHORT BUT THE NEXT ONE IS THE LAST CHAPTER (im pretty sure) AND ITS GONNA BE LONGER sorry ive been. Busy and stuff but ill finish this fairly soon!!! maybe even next weekend


	13. Dancing Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a wedding. Oh also some relationship drama but it's fine

“Hey, wait!” Leonard yells as Pavel’s entourage travels up the tall cliff that the church rests on. Pavel gives him a grinning thumbs up as he passes by, positively glowing with how happy he looks. Tonia rolls her eyes as he jogs up to her and the wedding party continues on its way. “Who-” he stops, out of breath, “Who’s his dad? Who’s walkin’ him down the aisle?” 

 

“That’s none of your concern,” Tonia says coldly. She’s wearing soft colors today, pastel reds and pinks. The way she looks at him makes him feel like nothing at all, but he can still appreciate her beauty. Years have done nothing to dull her sharp features and he’s caught up in noticing them yet again; the way the sunlit chestnut hair brushes her cheek and the faint red high in her cheeks, the spread of her eyelashes and the way he knows her lips will press when she smiles (if she smiles) and- 

 

“It is if I’m his dad!” Leonard insists, running in front of her. She stops in her tracks and crosses her arms across her chest.

 

“You really aren’t,” Tonia says, pressing her lips together. It’s not a smile but it’s close enough to make Leonard’s heart stutter like he’s young again. 

 

“I just wanna see him happy, Tones,” he pleads.

 

“Don’t you ‘Tones’ me, I’ve had it up to here with you!” she snaps, losing her chilly decorum in favor of a long-awaited explosion. “You- You don’t have any right to be here! At least Jim and Spock are my friends, but you- you’re just some guy who broke my heart!” Her voice breaks on the last word, wavering and watery. 

 

“I didn’t-” he tries, but Tonia shakes her head vehemently.

 

“You don’t get to tell me if you broke my heart or not!  _ I’m _ the one who decides that!” she yells, jabbing her accusatory finger at him, then herself. “You don’t get to- to love me and leave me, to- be so cruel and then come back here like nothing happened and try to steal my son away from me!”

 

“I tried to come back!” Leonard cries as the last shouted breath leaves her. “I- I would have told you! I was in the middle of a nasty divorce and I- I had come here to forget about her. My ex-wife. And then I met you and- I just didn’t want to ruin that. When I left, I was going to bring you back some official document so you’d  _ know _ I was a free man.”

 

Tonia sniffles, anger abated for the moment. Her brow is knit as she takes in his tale and her hands balled up in fists. “And the picture?”

 

“I only kept it to look at my daughter- Joanna. She’s all I got left from that marriage. The wife took everything, but I managed to hold onto my little girl. I was planning on telling you about her-”

 

“I believe you,” Tonia says quietly and he can see the anger rush out of her shoulders like a sigh. “I- I don’t know- No, that’s wrong. I know what you want me to say. But I have to- to take a while. To think about this. It’s been so long that I-” 

 

“Hell, Tones,” Leonard says plaintively, “Y’know you were it for me.”

 

Tonia laughs nervously. “Don’t let your wife hear you say that.”

 

“Weren’t you listening to a thing I said? Ain’t nobody back home for me.” 

 

“Not even after all these years? There- there must be someone,” Tonia insists, looking so confused that Leonard has to clasp his hands behind his back to avoid kissing her.

 

“I told you; there’s never been anybody for me but you,” Leonard says, plain and honest. He hopes that it’s something she can grow to love again.

 

Tonia runs her hands through her hair and laughs hysterically. “This- this is real? This- God, I’ve never-” she breathes, then surges forward to mold her mouth to his. Leonard feels weak at the knees at the desperate passion she pours into it and he brings his hands up to run through her hair and hold her head. Her hands slip from his shoulders to his back and pulls him in closer, possessive. He can feel every inch of her body conforming to his like a memory foam mattress. 

 

“I-” he gasps, pulling back. “The wedding.”

 

Tonia breathes shakily and nods, stepping back. “We’ll- we’ll talk after?” 

 

Leonard can only manage a nod before they walk together up the hill. He glances at her out of the corner of his eye and he sees what he’s been waiting for this whole time: the curve of her lips upward into a smile. 

 

They walk up the winding road together and if Leonard slips his hand into hers, well, no one has to notice.

  
  


He lets go of her as the chapel approaches in his field of view and takes his place at Jim and Spock’s side. He nods at her as she passes by and is graced with a small smile. 

 

“So, who’s walking him down the aisle?” Jim asks. The three of them stand outside of the chapel, waiting for the wedding party to arrive. “I mean; who’s his real dad?”   
  


“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Hikaru asks casually as he breezes past into the chapel, “Tonia’s walking him down the aisle.”

 

“Then who’s the dad?” Leonard asks.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Hikaru replies, “But it’s none of you three. He just told me he was adopted ten minutes ago. Weird how things work out, right?” He leaves three slack-jawed men in his wake as he enters the chapel to take his place at the altar. 

 

“Should we even…” Jim asks self-consciously. 

 

“I believe Pavel expressed a wish to have all of us here at his wedding,” Spock interjects softly, “Jim. I do not believe that biological relation matters to him.” His hand hovers over Jim’s back, then drops to his side. Leonard follows them into the chapel and they see open spots in the front row. His heart clenches in his throat and he takes the one next to the empty seat he knows is reserved for Tonia. 

 

The chapel is dimly lit by candles, but the natural light streaming in from the windows dances across the faces of all in attendance. The old priest is talking quietly with Hikaru, who stands at the altar, fidgeting every so often. Leonard spots Chris Pike and his wife a couple rows over and resolves to talk to them later. 

 

The door opens once more and Pavel Chekov-Barrows enters the chapel, accompanied by his aunts and mother. A sharp intake of breath can be heard from the altar as Hikaru sees his fiance in his wedding garb for the first time. Plain adoration is clear on his face, love streaming from his eyes. Janice and Christine fall into line behind Pavel, who takes Tonia’s arm and walks slowly down the aisle. (Later, he tells his fathers, that he and Hikaru had flipped for who would walk down the aisle.) The two of them match in white suits with gold accents. Pavel smiles widely, beaming like a ray of light as he takes his place across from Hikaru, whose own smile is full of awe. 

 

Leonard can only remember the vows in a blur afterwards; he had been struck by the tableau in front of him. It was a picture of everything he’d used to dream of having with Tonia, yet he was filled with nothing but happiness at the sight of the pair hand in hand at the altar. There was no resentment or jealousy; he knew that he would get his own happy ending soon enough. It was enough to just watch the man he’d come to think of as a son marry the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeee its been a while but im ALMOST DONE I SWEAR


	14. Thank You for the Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I wrap things up.

Spock feels a certain type of way when he watches them at the altar, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. Of course he’s happy for them; why wouldn’t he be? But the deep core of loneliness reaches towards him once more, and when he tries to turn away, he is caught by Jim’s profile hit by the light and it takes everything in him to look away.

 

Afterwards, he cannot find the courage to approach Jim once more. There is a reception, a party. It is so very lively and Spock does not want to dampen their spirits, so he slips away to sit by the sea. The repetitive waves are calming and he begins to sink into meditation. 

 

“Spock?” Jim calls, from very nearby. He opens his eyes to see warm hazel ones right in front of him. “Hey, is everything okay? You kinda just slipped away.”

 

“Everything is fine, Jim,” Spock lies. “I simply require meditation.”

 

“Oh. Alright, then. Mind if I stick around?”

 

Spock bites back the response that, yes, he  _ would _ mind, and inclines his head in acquiescence. Jim sits beside him and just as he prepares to slip into meditation once more, Jim takes a breath.

 

“Have you… have you ever been to San Francisco?” he asks. Spock’s eyes snap open and he takes in a sharp breath.

 

“Once,” he admits, “It was… home, for quite a while.”

 

“Did you ever… Oh, what the hell. Cut the crap, Spock. You recognize me, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I do,” Spock answers with the least amount of vitriol he can muster, “How could I not?” 

 

“How could  _ you _ not? So you’ve- well, why the hell didn’t you say anything?” Jim says in a rush of anger.

 

“Why didn’t you?” Spock asks, jutting his chin out. “I was under the impression that you had forgotten me.”

 

“I couldn’t- Oh, Spock, I could never-” Jim breathes, running a hand through his hair, “What gave you that- Oh. I thought you were- wanted me to forget.”

 

“You never did call,” Spock says.

 

“Yes, I did,” Jim argues, but there’s no heat in it, only confusion, “What do you mean? I-I called. Only, you didn’t answer, but someone else did. They told me they had no idea who Spock was and I figured you gave me a fake number to let me down easy.”

“Jim,” Spock says, his voice barely audible, “I would not do that.”

 

“I went by your apartment, too,” Jim says, “I remembered. That’s probably a bit creepy, but I did. I was- I was in love with you, you know.”

 

Spock risks a glance at his face. Jim stares out ahead, over the ocean, a worried frown on his face and it takes him a few abortive attempts to continue.

 

“They told me you weren’t there anymore and wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone. I figured that was a good as sign as any that you- that you didn’t want me to find you.”

 

Spock closes his eyes and looks down. He stays silent for a moment.

 

“Please say something,” Jim says, panic creeping into his voice.

 

“I am… thinking,” Spock says slowly, “Of all the years we have wasted apart because of one- one mistake.”

 

“I, uh, think that might be on me,” Jim admits, “I lost the paper you had written your number on, but I swear I memorized it! I just might’ve memorized wrong, that’s all. ‘Course, at that time, I had no way of knowing the real one, but…” 

 

“I take it there is no one in your life at the moment?” Spock asks, folding his hands behind his back to avoid showing Jim their trembling.

 

“No, not for me,” Jim says with a bit of a laugh. “You?”   
  
Spock shrugs. “You told me to wait, Jim. And so I have.” He looks up just in time to see Jim blink rapidly, looking at him in astonishment. 

 

“You- Spock, can I kiss you?” he asks shakily.

 

“Jim,” Spock gasps, and the word breathes out of him like a sigh as Jim takes his face in his hands and finally,  _ finally _ , kisses him. It’s like breathing again for the first time and Spock doesn’t know how he’s lived without it this long. 

 

“Come back with me,” Jim says once he pulls back, like it's a revelation, “Come back to San Francisco. Or I could go wherever you are I just- I don’t want to lose you again.”

 

Spock’s hand closes over Jim’s. “Yes,” he promises. 

 

~~~

 

_ Five Years Later _

 

“We’re going to be late!” Pavel complains as his husband stumbles along behind him. “Keep up!”   
  


“If you hadn’t made me carry all our luggage…” Hikaru huffs, “I’d be able to!”

 

“But you love me,” Pavel simpers, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Hikaru sighs and rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.

 

There’s an important announcement today, and they can’t be late.

 

When they reach the hotel, there’s lively chatter coming from inside. It looks like everyone’s here already; Pavel can see Jim and Spock, Leonard and Tonia, Christine and Janice, Nyota and Scotty, all crowded inside the tiny kitchen. 

 

“Hey guys!” He exclaims, pushing the door open. A lot has happened in five years, so here’s the gist of it. Jim and Spock live together in San Francisco now; Spock teaches at the university and Jim has a desk job in the navy. Leonard and Tonia run the hotel together and business is booming. Christine and Janice still work in research and visit often. Scotty, to absolutely no one’s surprise, realized he had feelings for Nyota after the wedding and the two of them are now engaged. As for Hikaru and Pavel, they have an apartment in San Francisco, a cat, and a room that’s empty for now.

 

“What’s this big announcement that you’ve called us all out here for?” Nyota demands. 

 

Pavel shares a grin with Hikaru. “We’re going to adopt a baby,” he says. The room erupts in cheers and exclamations and he blinks back sudden tears that spring to his eyes at the wealth of love that emanates from these people; his friends and family; not necessarily mutually exclusive. He twists the gold band around his finger and has never felt more whole. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not gonna lie i may have forgotten some plot points but i hope this resolves everything!! thats it for this fic hope you guys liked it!!
> 
> special thanks to emily for hyping up this fic and helping look it over big uwus to you!!
> 
> come say hi to me on instagram @bluestergold (or tumblr but on twitter im @bibluebeetle)
> 
> also in closing: math sucks read the jantony fic


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